Spring is on the way

Being back in my hometown has been pretty great, regardless of my continual crankiness. I've been more active on a regular basis, going for walks, going to the park, going to great food places . . . I just wanted to share a couple of pictures from my recent outdoor excursions even though I don't really have anything to share in the form of words.

A spring time yard

A sidewalk picture

My feet in the sky as I swing

Taking this picture myself was quite a challenge, try it sometime!

SGT Chili T

I went to a real, honest-to-goodness, OB/GYN doctor last Wednesday for the sole reason of being pregnant (and having that verified). No ER doctor, no Family Practioner, no nurses, just a board certified pregnant lady doctor, and it was great! I got free pamphlets, free tums, and a free book, oh my! I also got a more recent picture of the thing residing inside my body. [note: I've yet to come up with a cute little nickname for it like all the other mommybloggers I've read, who had perfect little names like "nubbin" and "wombat". And I refuse to use a common name like peanut or button, because how barfingly cute are those, right? So, I'm open to suggestions on that little matter].

I scanned the ultrasound picture in and emailed it to SGT T who thanked me profusely for the picture of our baby.

Original Picture

I asked him if he was able to tell what he was looking at, I swear this is the clearest, most obvious profile picture I've ever seen from an ultrasound, and he said NO. So this is what I just emailed him, in an effort to make him as much a part of this experience as I can.

SGT T Picture


All of this to say that, yes, things are well and good and moving right along, thank you all for your concern and reassurances!

You either get it or you don't

This took place on the way home from dinner, driving past Taco del Mar, whose sign reads "Mission Style Burritos":

me: What are mission style burritos, are those like what you would get from San Francisco or something? (referring to the yummy yummy burritos you can get in the mission district)

mom and dad: I don't really know.

brother: Those are when the burrito is on top.

Almost a great day

Just now, when I was getting ready to shower, I weighed myself and I weighed 10 (TEN!) pounds less than yesterday. While the rational part of my brain was being violently shoved into a tiny little box with a heavy duty padlock on it as I checked and rechecked the truth of what I saw, my hormone brain was rejoicing and not in the least bit worried that I lost the equivalent of both of my feet in weight while sleeping last night. Unfortunately, the part of me that is concerned for the well-being of the other-being inside me took over and made my mom step on the scale for double checking's sake. Her weight was correct and my hormone brain continued rejoicing until I stepped back on and was at yesterdays weight again. So close, yet so very very far.

Etiquette

You may not know this, but I've been applying for a lot of jobs over the last, well, year, but my eventual point is more relevant to the immediate past. I've been applying for lots of jobs and while I haven't been called for an interview on a single one, I'm thinking that eventually somebody will call and I will need to know how to handle a certain aspect of the experience. And that aspect is this:

If I'm not showing yet, is it inappropriate to not tell the interviewer that I am pregnant?

Your thoughts?

Is Wednesday a good TV night?

I want to write more, but I don't know what about. You don't want to hear about how I'm sitting around feeling sorry for myself one minute, and how I am still looking for a job and have applied for more jobs in the last week than I ever thought possible. It gets old to me, the one going through it, so I can only imagine all the eye rolling y'all do when you open me up and see that I'm still acting like a spoiled brat and still complaining that I am not working. Which brings me to my beginning statement of not knowing what else to write about. It's hard to come up with creative, new ideas when I am obsessing all day about jobs and money and if I am pregnant or not! I'll take suggestions, if anybody has any. If not, I may have to start stealing ideas from blogs I read. More likely, I'll just start posting links to the blogs I read. That'll show you.

This isn't one of them

Hey, remember when I used to write entertaining posts? No? I guess those of you that read my rambling grad school posts on myspace might recall. I am so tired of being so stressed all the time and not having any original and fun ideas to write about. Not that I was a literary genius or anywhere close to creative and entertaining, even, but I could get a chuckle or two sometimes. Now I'm just depressed and feel so serious all the time, like my sense of humor got buried somewhere along the way and it is suffocating and close to never seeing daylight again. I am lonely and sad and have this feeling of inevitableness that is suffocating and I worry that it will become debilitating.

Oh but hey, anyways, let's smile a little, stop feeling sorry for myself for a minute, OK? Today was my mom's birthday, and also the first time I've seen my sister since I've been back home. We all went to lunch, Mexican of course, and then I made a cake. The cake was pretty cool; when Mom and I were in Raleigh we ate at Macaroni Grill and split a piece of smothered chocolate cake that was incredibly yummy, so I did my best to recreate it at Mom's request. I rocked it, if I do say so myself.

On a, shall we say better?, note, I'm feeling pregnant again. After the last two weeks of worrying that feeling no symptoms of pregnancy after the bleeding stuff meant I wasn't pregnant, the stupid crampy feeling that is back makes me relieved and a bit happy. Like when you bitch about your period and how much it sucks but then pray for it if it is a day late, and celebrate when it shows up. I know, I should enjoy the no symptoms while I can, at least I'm not barfing, just wait it'll be so much worse, whatever, this is my pregnancy, not yours. And I am grateful for the lack of barfing and, for the time-being, the lack of any other uncomfortable sabotages my body has in store, trust me, but that doesn't mean that I'm not breathing a sigh of relief now that I feel sort of pregnant again. And that doesn't mean that I'm not still entitled to bitching about any and all of it! I'm really good at that part!*

I informed my mom and sister today that I have every intention of avoiding the delivery portion of the baby process, but that I haven't yet figured out how. I don't think they took me as seriously as I meant it, their raucous laughter was my first clue.

*I don't mean to sound like a bitch but after this apology, I'm not going to apologize for sounding like a bitch again for the next 7 months, minimum. So hey, guys? I'm really sorry if I'm coming across as a bitch, I don't mean it, I promise. I really, really appreciate all the support and advice and stories and experience all of you have to share, and I hope you'll continue, or start, to share more. The problem is, right now, I am so incredibly irritable that I react in completely irrational ways to really innocent situations. Sorry. Thanks. :)

Home

It's been 12 days since I last saw SGT T. Twelve days since he left the U.S. in an effort to do his part of what he signed up for. Twelve days to get from one side of the world to the other, and you know what? Last I heard, he's still not there. They are in Afghanistan, but not at their final destination, weather and this little thing called war keep preventing them from getting to what will be home for the next year. He called me a couple days ago, briefly, just to make sure I got to Oregon OK. I guess I forgot to send him an email letting him know that the cat travel adventures went well and that we all arrived safely. Sweet of him to worry when he's in the situation that he's in; you better believe I felt guilty after that phone call!

The cats and I all made it to my parents house without a hitch. Mom came out to help, which was fantastic, and she even bought me my first pregnant-gigantic-boobie bras, thankyoubabyjesus. I am a little amazed at how little backlash I'm feeling from the cats for making them go through the ordeal they went through on the airplanes, but they've been quite good since we got here. I'm back, living at my parents' house, and sharing a room with two cats. Not ideal accommodations for any of us - me, the cats, or my parents, but it works, it's temporary, and I'm grateful. I'm grateful, I'm grateful, I'm grateful. My new mantra.

I'm working on getting settled in and situated, but it's slow going because I have to do some painting in the bedroom and switch rooms with my brother and stuff. See, my brother has the big bedroom which I feel I am entitled to what with the pending extra body to be added to my accommodations. In the meantime, I'm taking down the wallpaper in my brother's childhood bedroom, where I am now, and I am going to paint. Why I'm doing this work in a room I'm not going to be staying in is a little convoluted, even to me, but it has to do with being a little unsure if there is still a baby in my body and wanting the room to be clean and fresh if, by chance, I stay in it.

Which, I guess brings me to the ER story, which turns this into a "Catching up on everything" post instead of allowing me to post multiple times over the next couple days with updates. Dang. When I started week 7 of pregnancy, I started spotting (do I really need to explain what this is? If you don't know, google it). Nothing heavy, nothing painful, but constant and scary. I called the OBGYN advice line for my hospital and they said if it gets worse or changes, or even if it stays the same, to go to the ER to get it checked out. That was Monday. On Friday I decided that since SGT T was leaving on the following Monday, and I was still bleeding, I wanted to go get checked out. So 7 pm on Friday night we headed to the ER. Not a smart decision. Long story short, it took a total of 8.5 hours before I got to go home. The doctor did a pelvic exam, and an internal ultrasound thing, and we got to see the heartbeat. Baby was alive and looked fine. He said that for women who experience bleeding, once you see the heartbeat your chances go up to 90% of having a healthy normal pregnancy. Still at risk, but mostly you'll be fine. Except that since then, I haven't had a single pregnancy symptom. No more nausea, no more overwhelming exhaustion, even my boobs seem to have gone back to normal. With the move and everything I hadn't been able to make a doctors appointment, so I go in to my new PCM next Wednesday for a referral and who knows how long it will be before I get to see my new OBGYN. The only thing that keeps me from being absolutely positively sure that I don't have a baby in me is my super human sense of smell and the whacked dreams I've been having every night lately. We shall see, I'll keep you updated. And that's all for now!

I'm growing a human being . . .

what's your super power?
(7 weeks, 2009Jan24)

* I am now 9 weeks, and keeping it to myself was just too much for me anymore! The 7 week ultrasound was done at the ER, stories to come eventually. I have not yet seen an actual OBGYN, so no further information is available.
**That top picture got a little ruined because I accidentally left these on top of the toaster oven and it kinda overexposed. Way to set the precedence for future childhood memorabilia, Mom!