February 9, 2009

This isn't one of them

Hey, remember when I used to write entertaining posts? No? I guess those of you that read my rambling grad school posts on myspace might recall. I am so tired of being so stressed all the time and not having any original and fun ideas to write about. Not that I was a literary genius or anywhere close to creative and entertaining, even, but I could get a chuckle or two sometimes. Now I'm just depressed and feel so serious all the time, like my sense of humor got buried somewhere along the way and it is suffocating and close to never seeing daylight again. I am lonely and sad and have this feeling of inevitableness that is suffocating and I worry that it will become debilitating.

Oh but hey, anyways, let's smile a little, stop feeling sorry for myself for a minute, OK? Today was my mom's birthday, and also the first time I've seen my sister since I've been back home. We all went to lunch, Mexican of course, and then I made a cake. The cake was pretty cool; when Mom and I were in Raleigh we ate at Macaroni Grill and split a piece of smothered chocolate cake that was incredibly yummy, so I did my best to recreate it at Mom's request. I rocked it, if I do say so myself.

On a, shall we say better?, note, I'm feeling pregnant again. After the last two weeks of worrying that feeling no symptoms of pregnancy after the bleeding stuff meant I wasn't pregnant, the stupid crampy feeling that is back makes me relieved and a bit happy. Like when you bitch about your period and how much it sucks but then pray for it if it is a day late, and celebrate when it shows up. I know, I should enjoy the no symptoms while I can, at least I'm not barfing, just wait it'll be so much worse, whatever, this is my pregnancy, not yours. And I am grateful for the lack of barfing and, for the time-being, the lack of any other uncomfortable sabotages my body has in store, trust me, but that doesn't mean that I'm not breathing a sigh of relief now that I feel sort of pregnant again. And that doesn't mean that I'm not still entitled to bitching about any and all of it! I'm really good at that part!*

I informed my mom and sister today that I have every intention of avoiding the delivery portion of the baby process, but that I haven't yet figured out how. I don't think they took me as seriously as I meant it, their raucous laughter was my first clue.

*I don't mean to sound like a bitch but after this apology, I'm not going to apologize for sounding like a bitch again for the next 7 months, minimum. So hey, guys? I'm really sorry if I'm coming across as a bitch, I don't mean it, I promise. I really, really appreciate all the support and advice and stories and experience all of you have to share, and I hope you'll continue, or start, to share more. The problem is, right now, I am so incredibly irritable that I react in completely irrational ways to really innocent situations. Sorry. Thanks. :)


Lisa and Josh said...

I'm up so late that you must have just written this post... I'd love a piece of that chocolate cake. Must be yummy. I ate everything possible tonight to keep from getting sick. Now I just feel sick from shoving so much into my face! Happy 10th!

mvanapp said...

If you were still East Coastin' it I'd drive down and snag some chocolaty goodness...but I'll have to settle for my Phish Food I guess.

Scenic Pit Stops said...

Mmm, Phish Food!I can't explain how incredibly awesome that sounds. I'm totally treating myself,come payday. Of course, who knows what I'll be craving on Friday!