March 10, 2009

I've missed you

I've had a bit of social life overload lately and I fear my blog may have paid the price for my lack of life-balancing skills. It's been quite some time since I've had more than one thing at a time to do (i.e., interact with human beings and write here once in a while, see? it's so much!) and I fear I'm a bit rusty. Last week a friend from Utah came to visit, it was awesome and a little weird to have Utah visiting me in Oregon instead of me visiting Utah! To remedy that I rode back out to Utah with her so I could visit a couple of other people, which is what I'm currently doing.

I've got to say, it's been such a roller coaster week for me and I've been pondering some blog decisions I feel I need to make but am no closer to reaching a conclusion. First though, I want to thank one of the most awesome women I know for doing that which I've needed done for the gods only know how long: she knocked me right the hell out of the funk I've been in for at least a year, probably longer. The first night I was at her house I was in the bathroom and noticed that something looked kind of weird with my face. I stared in the mirror for several minutes before I figured out what it was: my laugh lines - I could see them! And they were red from overuse. I can't tell you how incredibly awesome it has felt to experience three days of laughter and fun and lightheartedness, even with a serious conversation here and there, after wondering for so long if this was me now. This miserable, frowning grumpy face that I just know people look at and think, wow, what's her problem? Incredibly awesome, and I don't know how to thank you!

Anyways, so I guess that would be part of the high, fun roller coaster stuff. The lower parts of the ride have to do with this blog and some contact I've recently had from a couple of exes (why more than one has recently blessed, ahem, me with their presence on facebook is beyond me). I've been contemplating starting a new blog and keeping it more anonymous so that I feel more comfortable talking about some things that right now I am not comfortable talking about because my parents and aunts and uncles and friends read this. There are some things that I think I'd like to ramble about but that I don't necessarily want people we know to know about, you know? Nothing big, but if I wanted to vent about SGT T's ACU infatuation and not worry about it hurting his feelings by it coming up in conversation unexpectedly, I could! And now with the unfortunate ex-perience, at least one of them potentially knows of this blog and can pop in anytime he wants and I don't think I like that. Granted, it probably empowers him if I stop writing, but why should I make my life available to him if all he does is make assumptions and judge me? Talk about inhibiting what I will share, you know?

I know, I'm probably overreacting and this is what I want your guys' help with. I would love some suggestions or advice on if you think I should keep this blog or not. I thought about keeping it and just doing pregnancy updates for the family and stuff, but that probably wont happen if I think unwelcome readers may be lurking nearby. If this were like a totally popular blog that more than 5 people read, I would probably just say screw it because chances are I'd have more than one asshole reading it, but I'm not and I happen to know the asshole reading this one. And oh boy did I just stir up a shitcan of worms, right?

By far, though, the positive of the last week and a half has far outweighed the negative and I have been having a great time catching up with everybody. I still think they should all just pack up and move with me whenever I move, but for some reason nobody things that is a good idea. Well, one of them is somewhat willing, but only if it is a more permanent move than a 3 year enlistment provides, which, AWESOME!


Felicia said...

I hate that! I have a battle with that everyday. I also hate when my personal friends read it, but then feel no need to make any contact with me since they already read it on my blog. I also hate when people who are just acquaintances read my blog and read all this junk about me. But then they just stay the same acquaintance to me since they have no blog I can read!! It's so annoying to me!

jami said...

I understand your concerns. As a family member who feels out of touch I hope you some how continue to update us on what/how you are doing. I like to read about you life. My life can be so boring at times. Plus then I don't feel so far away. best of luck.

Sassy said...

How funny, I feel as if I am at the opposite end of the spectrum... I was thinking about quitting my blog and starting a non-anon one. Now I just may quit? Not sure... Hard choices for sure.

Scenic Pit Stops said...

Felicia: I used to be the opposite, I'd get frustrated when a friend would be all "Oh I had no idea you did that/experienced that, why don't you tell me about it?" and I'd be all like "Read my blog, yo, I don't want to repeat myself 800 times". Then again, I'm not really very good at talking about what is on my mind and bugging me or whatever, so I never really wanted my friends to contact me about it. If I wanted their advice/laughter, I'd bring it up when we talked. I do wish though that everybody else had blogs that they updated, but given that I'm not updating too regularly myself, I guess that would be asking an awful lot!

Jami: There is always Facebook, right? And that way I don't have to stress out about how I'm just not as good a writer as that person, or not as funny (or funny at all) as that one.

Sassy: Blog as Therapy? It's free, and it's our own, so that totally makes sense. My life has gotten to a point where even with the pregnancy, there is just so little happening in it that I am feeling the pressure to just stop writing and shut it down. I am SO glad you are thinking of quitting, but because you are at a place where things are great and you just don't feel the need for it anymore! That is awesome.

Lisa and Josh said...

I love your blog! keep it