November 22, 2008

I thought I'd get to sleep through the night since SGT T is gone

To the person who called me 8 (EIGHT!) times between 3:13 am and 4:59 am this morning:

How did I become the lucky one, your special chosen harassee? In an interweb of millions, perhaps billions, of potential victims, you chose me and I'm torn between feeling annoyed and worried that you will choose me again tonight and feeling special, spotlighted, up on a pedestal because you chose me!

I must have slept through your first call or two, but I wonder why you kept calling after I answered and you realized I didn't speak French. What kind of conversation were you hoping we could have beyond the one we did:

you: yes, hi
me: uuuunnn
you: hello, i speak english
me: wha, huh?
you: yes, i speak french
me: i don't speak french, can i help you?
you: ok

Then you hung up. The almost childlike quality in your voice is what prevented me from yelling when you called back three more times. It is what had me saying "it is really late in the night here, can you please not call me anymore" instead of "what the f* do you want? quit calling me you crazy"! Who says that: "it is really late in the night"? The sleep deprived that are afraid to hurt the feelings of their prank caller, that's who.

That was when you messed up. You called and you used my name. My first name. If you had done that in the first or second call, maybe even the third, I would have freaked out and called you a scary stalker psycho but you had called enough times that I was actually awake and starting to think more clearly. After the initial extra THUMP my heart gave when my brain registered the fact that you knew my name, the kind of thump that comes with the little spike of adrenalin and makes your vision blur for a split second, I knew there were limited options as to how you could possibly know me. When that conversation ended I went in and turned on my computer and sure enough, you were calling me through Skype and I still had my calls set to forward to my cell.

On the one hand, thank you for reminding me I needed to change that. But on the other hand, are you that lonely that you need to choose random Skypers to call and bother? And if you are that lonely, couldn't you choose somebody with higher odds of a)being in the same time zone and therefore, uh, AWAKE, and second, speaking the same language? When I got up this morning and further investigated your calls I saw that your Skype name is listed as Kenza Farah, you live in France, and you are famous. Now, I don't know if you really are she, or if impersonating famous people is just a part of your prank calling cover, but if you are Ms. Farah, that would explain your childlike voice and perhaps your loneliness and desire to call a random stranger.

Next time, call me when I'm awake. And after you learn English. There are several languages I hope to learn in my lifetime but French isn't very high on that list, and since my husband is gone and I am looking for entertainment and blogging fodder I would more than likely have deep and meaningful conversations with you about what you should wear to your internet music awards show and about how hot your current boyfriend is. I don't think it is asking too much of you, for you to learn my language, if I am willing to let you call me at 4 in the morning again, do you?

OK, thanks, bye.


Chele said...

I KNOW!! I always wonder why someone would randomly skype someone, I needed to block a few. such a strange thing

Scenic Pit Stops said...

Chele: I've gotten calls from people that are trying to reach customer service for some company, and they have obviously tried several times without getting in touch with somebody! I almost feel obligated to call them back but then think, meh, why bother!

mvanapp said...

It was me, bwahaha! Not really...I don't even know how to use Skype.