Like a teenage girl: I love you, no I hate you, no I love you, no I never want to see you again!
I had a rough patch over the last month or two, dealing with all kinds of crap, and this week it all kind of culminated and I took it out on my blog, thinking that by getting rid of the blog that would somehow make things less shitty. I know, not much to say to that unless you know the back story, but out of respect for something I used to hold dear (whether it deserves that respect - I withhold my thoughts on the matter) I wont be going into that here. Regardless, I reacted on emotion without waiting for rational thought to return and said goodbye. Will you have me back? Well, I'm back whether you'll have me or not. When rational thought returned it said "Fuck that. This is MINE and if YOU don't like it, or me and what I'm talking about, that's your problem so quit looking". Getting rid of this blog and starting a new one, for what? Out of respect of a friendship that is no more? So I don't hurt your feelings by writing about something that has nothing, NOTHING, to do with you? What kind of logic is that?
It's not.
So here I am, back and rip roarin' ready to write about stuff. We've got baby pictures, belly pictures, gender information, and maybe some general rambling, though I've found that with unemployment and a dwindling number of friends, my thoughts pretty much focus on the incredible increasing size of my stomach and the sad decreasing frequency of my bowel movements. I'll admit, though, that I can't complain about being a bit backed up (unless it becomes worse or a regular occurrence) since I've generally felt an incredible lack of any of the other negative symptoms of pregnancy. Still, not very exciting if I'm looking for blog fodder, so we'll just see how far I get with non-baby related posts. So, for now, let's all just cross our fingers and send some good strong "you can work" vibes to the satellite SGT T needs for internet access so that I can come back here and share it with you!
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6 comments:
I guess it's a good thing I didn't take you off my blog reader yet. I'm feeling very ambivalent about my blog right now so I know how these things can be... Hope everything smooths out.
Sounds like you could use a vacation to San Diego. I happen to know a good place to stay:)
While I do not always comment, I do read and enjoy your blog. Good for you for moving on in life. We are too old for the drama BS. I find that I have many acquaintances, but only a few really good friends. I rather like it that way. So you alluded to gender information... I can't wait to see how you decide to make your big reveal. Hugs and good wishes from afar!
Carrie: I'm thankful for other lazy/procrastinating folk like me! I have people in my reader who stopped writing over a year ago in the hopes that they'll come back. Well, really because I'm lazy but I tell myself it is because I love their writing and want them back! And yeah, still not sure how I feel about my blog, but since just about all my family reads it I figure I should at least keep it for baby updates and army updates and stuff.
kbdrgnfly: Vacation from unemployment? Sounds heavenly! Sign me up. I haven't had much drama in my life as of late, so maybe I just wasn't prepared for it when it reared its ugly head? Who knows. I'm good, though, and excited to get you guys all caught up on what's been going on on my end of things! So much I haven't mentioned on here because I wasn't ready for it to be public knowledge yet! Now if SGT T would just get online so I can talk to him! Grrr.
Sometimes I feel like that too, but you just have to remember that your blog is YOUR OWN. It doesn't matter how many people read, how many people comment, etc. etc...I think a lot of people have lost the true meaning of what a blog is to some people and it's just turned into a huge popularity contest. It annoys me!
And my point is that sometimes I go weeks without writing, but it's always nice to know I can go back to it whenever I want.
Don't delete! You've always told me that it's yours and who cares. So toss worry to the wind and blog!
Felicia: Too true. It's mine, I'll write what I want and if you (not YOU you, but the collective "you" of everybody else, of course) don't like it, then well, you can go suck it. Sometimes I just have to take a step back and remind myself that I'm not the one that has to do the sucking, everybody else is! :) Thanks once again!
Lisa and Josh: Isn't it harder to take your own advice when it applies to yourself? Yes. :) Argh, but here I am, laying it all out! Hooray!
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