July 27, 2009
Hot?
Facebook is funny, would you agree? Right now we are experiencing the hottest weather of the season and, naturally, Facebook is filled with comments about it. What compels us to do this when we know everybody else is experiencing pretty much the same misery? Well, there are some exceptions, to be sure, those that carry the extra misery above and beyond it just being crappy hot. I'm not complaining, I just think Facebook gets kinda silly sometimes. And I'm no different from anybody else, so don't go accusing me of being all judgmental or hypocritical, oh no! Me? I'm confused by the fact that nobody in my house but me wants ice cream tonight and Dad says he doesn't because it's TOO HOT OUT. Well, and he doesn't want to be an enabler (aww, thanks, Dad!). And to be honest, it is pretty hot. Hot enough that I couldn't drive myself to the ice cream store and then home because I'd have to be continuously maintaining the ice cream that would be dripping over the edge of the cup. What a mess. So I'm going to go hit up mom for a ride to the store because I don't think it's too hot, no sir.
July 25, 2009
Interpret this!
Do you know anything about dream interpretation? I had an odd one this morning - odd enough to keep me awake for the rest of the day instead of going back to sleep for a couple more hours, anyways.
I was a black woman (I'm white), married to a black man (SGT T also happens to be white), and we lived in a racist house. No, there weren't other people living in the house with us that were racist, the actual house (do houses have spirits?) was racist. One evening we were trying to leave and the house decided we couldn't and it grabbed me from the front yard and threw me inside the house through a closed window while keeping my husband pinned to a couch in the front yard.
The end. What the hell?
I was a black woman (I'm white), married to a black man (SGT T also happens to be white), and we lived in a racist house. No, there weren't other people living in the house with us that were racist, the actual house (do houses have spirits?) was racist. One evening we were trying to leave and the house decided we couldn't and it grabbed me from the front yard and threw me inside the house through a closed window while keeping my husband pinned to a couch in the front yard.
The end. What the hell?
July 19, 2009
Too lazy to write an original post
To quote an email I sent today:
"good god do I really have to go 7 more weeks????"
"good god do I really have to go 7 more weeks????"
July 17, 2009
Afghanistan
I'm not really sure how much of this I want to share, but the month of July has been pretty hard: though, not as bad for me as it has been for my husband and his unit. Of course, hearing about how things are going there and how these things make him feel makes this a more difficult experience for me but I am not the one actually experiencing any of the danger or boredom or fear or any of the other million emotions/feelings they go through on a daily basis.
A lot has happened in the last couple of weeks, most of it in a country on the other side of the world, and most of it stuff I don't want to talk about here, or elsewhere for that matter. Almost all of it scary, some of it sad, and only maybe a tiny bit of it good. I don't really know what I'm looking to convey here, but I feel like I need something. It's a little uncomfortable, I've never been one of those "support our troops" hard core people, but I guess that is something this experience is teaching me. What I want is to ask you to just send your good thoughts (and prayers if you lean that way) to the people in uniform. Not even necessarily to my husband in particular because as I was reminded today, there are thousands of other wives (and husbands, sisters, brothers, moms, dads . . . you get the picture, right?) out there who are stuck at home not knowing what is happening with their loved one on a daily basis.
That's it. I just want more good vibes, more "stay safe" vibes, more "bad aim from the bad guys" vibes, more "come home, please" vibes. Once this is over we'll figure out how we actually felt about it, figure out how to talk about it and live with what was experienced. But first, we have to get through it and the world needs more good vibes!!
A lot has happened in the last couple of weeks, most of it in a country on the other side of the world, and most of it stuff I don't want to talk about here, or elsewhere for that matter. Almost all of it scary, some of it sad, and only maybe a tiny bit of it good. I don't really know what I'm looking to convey here, but I feel like I need something. It's a little uncomfortable, I've never been one of those "support our troops" hard core people, but I guess that is something this experience is teaching me. What I want is to ask you to just send your good thoughts (and prayers if you lean that way) to the people in uniform. Not even necessarily to my husband in particular because as I was reminded today, there are thousands of other wives (and husbands, sisters, brothers, moms, dads . . . you get the picture, right?) out there who are stuck at home not knowing what is happening with their loved one on a daily basis.
That's it. I just want more good vibes, more "stay safe" vibes, more "bad aim from the bad guys" vibes, more "come home, please" vibes. Once this is over we'll figure out how we actually felt about it, figure out how to talk about it and live with what was experienced. But first, we have to get through it and the world needs more good vibes!!
July 2, 2009
Time keeps on tickin'
From a lack of nothing better to do, and a lack of desire for those things I must do, I was sitting here admiring Google Calendar and how pretty and colorful it is when you create a different calendar for each aspect of your life. For example, olive green = things I need to do, bright pink = pregnant stuff like doctor appointments, purple = special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries, dark khaki green = army stuff, and turquoise = holidays. This month, July, is so far the most colorful month I've had in several, probably since SGT T left and I was keeping track of all the moving/storage/appointments that would follow his departure. This month's rainbow, however, set my heart to pounding as I realized how short time really is. I know I touched on the things I've got coming up or whatever, but really, holy shit is time going to fly. There is so much olive green this month as I make notes to remember to run certain errands or pick people up from airports or attend certain baby showers of which I am the star (this one is probably in both green and pink)! And as many of you experience, it seems that late July and ALL of August are overwhelmingly full of birthdays to celebrate and remember and oh lordy all the cake!
My point, what little there may have been, is mostly just that this colorful month will pass in the blink of an exhausted eye and I'll wake up one morning and look at August looming larger than life and probably have a panic attack at what comes at the end of the month. Maybe I'm jumping the gun, but seriously, in a month there will be just one month left, and that one month is really just a gathering of possible weeks given the birthing history of the women in my family. I think I'll go stock up on paper bags now.
My point, what little there may have been, is mostly just that this colorful month will pass in the blink of an exhausted eye and I'll wake up one morning and look at August looming larger than life and probably have a panic attack at what comes at the end of the month. Maybe I'm jumping the gun, but seriously, in a month there will be just one month left, and that one month is really just a gathering of possible weeks given the birthing history of the women in my family. I think I'll go stock up on paper bags now.
Boring, boring, and some more boring
It's been a while since I've written anything worthwhile, and I fear I still have nothing really hearty to say - nothing you can really "sink your teeth into", you could say. Alas, that hasn't really ever stopped me - you should see the ridiculously boring and mundane emails I send my poor deprived husband! "Today I woke up and brushed my teeth. The cats were really cute. I had a cheese sandwich for lunch, with Cool Ranch Doritos (of which I can't seem to get enough). I peed a lot today. I love you." Sad, really. I feel sorry for him, but don't know what to do to change it. I try perusing the BBC news website for interesting stories to share (his internet works very poorly so he never knows what is going on in the world); I try sharing what is going on locally and with my family and friends, but we are all in such a mellow, cruise along to get along place right now that there isn't much to tell. Even the growth of our fetus is a little boring at the moment - how do you answer the question "How is Chili doing?" every day, when all she does is grow and move around like an invasive and over-sized parasite in my belly? Some days I get lucky and get to relay the events at the doctors office: the doctor said everything is fine; I weigh more than a house; my belly is xx cm big. Even the results of these appointments are mundane and boring. Not that I'm complaining, no, never would I complain to have no pressing or urgent news from the doctors office. Grateful is what I am for that.
My point, if I must come up with one, is that the lack of attention I've given my blog isn't due to a jet-setting, too busy to post, lifestyle, but instead due to a serious lack of creativity and motivation on my part. I mean, the baby does grow and move a lot and that is exciting. The cats are adorably cute, and on a very regular basis. I do, indeed, have cheese sandwiches with Cool Ranch Doritos for lunch more often than not (though alas, today, we are out of both cheese and doritos and I'm not sure how to handle this turn of events). So yes, these things do happen. Maybe if I put some more effort into my thoughts I could find more entertaining ways of sharing these events. I just sat here for a whole minute trying to think of a clever and even if just in my mind entertaining way to tell you about my quest for cheese but came up with nothing. Creative dry spell, to say the least.
So, to keep it short and sweet, here's what I've been doing/what's been going on around these parts:
- I reached 30 weeks pregnant this week and still feel pretty great. While there is some guilt associated with this (the feeling great, not reaching 30 weeks), I am pretty excited to be where I am and feeling how I feel! Only 10 (give or take a couple) weeks to go!
- SGT T is, as of this very moment, alive and well. We have officially passed our previous separation time span of 5 months and it is beginning to show in random bouts of serious grumpiness on both our parts. Mine gets taken out on family, sometimes on him in our very infrequent instant message conversations. His gets taken out on, well, I don't know, maybe his guys, maybe not - I have no way to know. Maybe he doesn't take it out on anybody, he is often the bigger man than I in that department. Nevertheless, it is challenging and as the delivery of our baby approaches the reality and danger of where he is and what he is going through weighs heavier and heavier on my mind. It adds to the weight of all that we are missing out on together, all that can't be said or shared because the internet, while our saving grace during this time, is also mostly only good for "keeping in touch" and you don't want to just "keep in touch" with your partner in life - at any point in time, let alone while he is in a war and you are carrying your child. Enough of that, though, we are both healthy and surrounded either by loving family and friends or by well-trained people and deadly machines - which is all I could ask for for now!
- I've got an overwhelming number of projects I hope to complete before the baby arrives and I've yet to really start any of them. Still. Sewing, crafting, shopping, so much to do and so many other things to distract myself with. Like reading. And eating. And sleeping.
- Oh the sleeping! Many people have told me to sleep as much as I can now because I wont be able to soon, and it seems my body has finally taken this advice to heart. It could be the heat which drains the energy from me in no time, or it could be the boredom, most likely a combination of the two. Although I am pretty sure that any sleep I have now isn't really going to do much of anything to make the lack of sleep I've got coming up any more enjoyable. I suppose, in the wee hours when I drag out my boob once again to feed the bottomless pit of my babe's belly, I'll look back at those hours of extra sleep with a fond longing, maybe even a bit of jealousy for that naive, over-rested girl.
- The rest of my summer is shaping up to be a bit busier than it has been, but still comparatively low key. This coming weekend (the 4th), I'll take my parents to the airport for their escape to paradise, and then try do to some shopping for various items I need. The weekend after I am going south to visit a cousin, I haven't been to her house in about 5 years! The following weekend I think is open. Then my baby shower! Then I think the rest of the summer is just be getting ready, mentally and physically, and making sure I've got everything I need to take care of this girl once she shows up.
- I've been going through pictures, looking for ones of me as an infant so I can see how much Chili looks like me or her dad. I'm scared to show SGT T what I've found for fear that he will regret the day he put his baby maker in my baby maker - a cute little newborn was not what I was! He says he was a pretty cute baby, so hopefully she'll look like him at birth and like me as she gets older. My toddler and early childhood years were probably the pinnacle of my good looks! :)
Now, if you'll excuse my boring rambling, I've got to shower and figure out what to do about the no cheese or doritos issue.
My point, if I must come up with one, is that the lack of attention I've given my blog isn't due to a jet-setting, too busy to post, lifestyle, but instead due to a serious lack of creativity and motivation on my part. I mean, the baby does grow and move a lot and that is exciting. The cats are adorably cute, and on a very regular basis. I do, indeed, have cheese sandwiches with Cool Ranch Doritos for lunch more often than not (though alas, today, we are out of both cheese and doritos and I'm not sure how to handle this turn of events). So yes, these things do happen. Maybe if I put some more effort into my thoughts I could find more entertaining ways of sharing these events. I just sat here for a whole minute trying to think of a clever and even if just in my mind entertaining way to tell you about my quest for cheese but came up with nothing. Creative dry spell, to say the least.
So, to keep it short and sweet, here's what I've been doing/what's been going on around these parts:
- I reached 30 weeks pregnant this week and still feel pretty great. While there is some guilt associated with this (the feeling great, not reaching 30 weeks), I am pretty excited to be where I am and feeling how I feel! Only 10 (give or take a couple) weeks to go!
- SGT T is, as of this very moment, alive and well. We have officially passed our previous separation time span of 5 months and it is beginning to show in random bouts of serious grumpiness on both our parts. Mine gets taken out on family, sometimes on him in our very infrequent instant message conversations. His gets taken out on, well, I don't know, maybe his guys, maybe not - I have no way to know. Maybe he doesn't take it out on anybody, he is often the bigger man than I in that department. Nevertheless, it is challenging and as the delivery of our baby approaches the reality and danger of where he is and what he is going through weighs heavier and heavier on my mind. It adds to the weight of all that we are missing out on together, all that can't be said or shared because the internet, while our saving grace during this time, is also mostly only good for "keeping in touch" and you don't want to just "keep in touch" with your partner in life - at any point in time, let alone while he is in a war and you are carrying your child. Enough of that, though, we are both healthy and surrounded either by loving family and friends or by well-trained people and deadly machines - which is all I could ask for for now!
- I've got an overwhelming number of projects I hope to complete before the baby arrives and I've yet to really start any of them. Still. Sewing, crafting, shopping, so much to do and so many other things to distract myself with. Like reading. And eating. And sleeping.
- Oh the sleeping! Many people have told me to sleep as much as I can now because I wont be able to soon, and it seems my body has finally taken this advice to heart. It could be the heat which drains the energy from me in no time, or it could be the boredom, most likely a combination of the two. Although I am pretty sure that any sleep I have now isn't really going to do much of anything to make the lack of sleep I've got coming up any more enjoyable. I suppose, in the wee hours when I drag out my boob once again to feed the bottomless pit of my babe's belly, I'll look back at those hours of extra sleep with a fond longing, maybe even a bit of jealousy for that naive, over-rested girl.
- The rest of my summer is shaping up to be a bit busier than it has been, but still comparatively low key. This coming weekend (the 4th), I'll take my parents to the airport for their escape to paradise, and then try do to some shopping for various items I need. The weekend after I am going south to visit a cousin, I haven't been to her house in about 5 years! The following weekend I think is open. Then my baby shower! Then I think the rest of the summer is just be getting ready, mentally and physically, and making sure I've got everything I need to take care of this girl once she shows up.
- I've been going through pictures, looking for ones of me as an infant so I can see how much Chili looks like me or her dad. I'm scared to show SGT T what I've found for fear that he will regret the day he put his baby maker in my baby maker - a cute little newborn was not what I was! He says he was a pretty cute baby, so hopefully she'll look like him at birth and like me as she gets older. My toddler and early childhood years were probably the pinnacle of my good looks! :)
Now, if you'll excuse my boring rambling, I've got to shower and figure out what to do about the no cheese or doritos issue.
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