Words fail

Wouldn't you know it, the night before SGT T comes home I get about 3 hours sleep and am therefore an emotional wreck when he arrives? I bet you didn't know I had it in me to shed such emotionally joyful tears, did you?!

We also made many bystanders cry. I guess we just have that kind of impact on people. It was pretty great, after the hour delay for his flight to get in, to see SGT T. And by "pretty great" I'm "pretty sure" I'm making the biggest understatement of all time. But really, how can you put something like this . . .

. . . into the right kind of words?

Countdown for reals

What do you wear to the airport to pick up your husband when you are one month postpartum (ie you can't fit anything but your sweats) and haven't seen him in over 7 months? We'll find out tomorrow!

The ultimate Christmas Eve feeling

Two-ish weeks until R&R - I might explode from anticipation.

How's this for keeping my blog up to date?

The highlights:

- Had baby on Friday (8/7/09)
- Turned out the ultrasound technician needs to go back to school - Chili turned out to have a penis and NOT a vagina meaning his blog name will be lilSGT instead
- Mom and baby are happy and healthy, though still working on some high jaundice numbers
- SGT T was able to be on Skype for the entire labor and delivery, causing several nurses and one or two doctors to cry
- lilSGT is most likely the cutest baby in the world - said with a completely open mind, I promise :)


One week old, at doctor's office

Countdown

Sorry for the lack of content here these days, I have no excuses; however, it has brought me to the conclusion that I'm pretty boring. Either that or I'm just in a serious "nothing creative is coming to mind" funk because all my spunkiness/humor/interestingness is (hopefully) being funneled into this little gal I'm growing. Maybe it'll come back to me once we are allowed to function as separate beings - fingers crossed.

In the mean time, I'm 35 weeks and 2 days along. A more exciting (to me) way to put it is I have about 5 weeks left until I am officially due. I'm not holding my breath, but early babies run in my family: I was born 5 weeks early, sister was born 3 weeks early, brother 1.5 weeks early; my sisters kids also came early: 3 weeks and 10 weeks. So, you know, any day kiddo. Also, was that totally inappropriate punctuation in that sentence? Whatever, I'm pregnant.


35w2d

I recently made the comment that if Rocky Road ice cream were combined with Tin Roof Sundae it would be the perfect ice cream - chocolate, marshmallows, and the awesome chocolate covered almonds (from Tin Roof). And than, to my incredible delight, I was informed that Breyer's does, indeed, make their Rocky Road with chocolate covered almonds. Needless to say, I now have a huge crush on Breyer, whomever this person may be.

Hot?

Facebook is funny, would you agree? Right now we are experiencing the hottest weather of the season and, naturally, Facebook is filled with comments about it. What compels us to do this when we know everybody else is experiencing pretty much the same misery? Well, there are some exceptions, to be sure, those that carry the extra misery above and beyond it just being crappy hot. I'm not complaining, I just think Facebook gets kinda silly sometimes. And I'm no different from anybody else, so don't go accusing me of being all judgmental or hypocritical, oh no! Me? I'm confused by the fact that nobody in my house but me wants ice cream tonight and Dad says he doesn't because it's TOO HOT OUT. Well, and he doesn't want to be an enabler (aww, thanks, Dad!). And to be honest, it is pretty hot. Hot enough that I couldn't drive myself to the ice cream store and then home because I'd have to be continuously maintaining the ice cream that would be dripping over the edge of the cup. What a mess. So I'm going to go hit up mom for a ride to the store because I don't think it's too hot, no sir.

Interpret this!

Do you know anything about dream interpretation? I had an odd one this morning - odd enough to keep me awake for the rest of the day instead of going back to sleep for a couple more hours, anyways.

I was a black woman (I'm white), married to a black man (SGT T also happens to be white), and we lived in a racist house. No, there weren't other people living in the house with us that were racist, the actual house (do houses have spirits?) was racist. One evening we were trying to leave and the house decided we couldn't and it grabbed me from the front yard and threw me inside the house through a closed window while keeping my husband pinned to a couch in the front yard.

The end. What the hell?

Too lazy to write an original post

To quote an email I sent today:

"good god do I really have to go 7 more weeks????"

Afghanistan

I'm not really sure how much of this I want to share, but the month of July has been pretty hard: though, not as bad for me as it has been for my husband and his unit. Of course, hearing about how things are going there and how these things make him feel makes this a more difficult experience for me but I am not the one actually experiencing any of the danger or boredom or fear or any of the other million emotions/feelings they go through on a daily basis.

A lot has happened in the last couple of weeks, most of it in a country on the other side of the world, and most of it stuff I don't want to talk about here, or elsewhere for that matter. Almost all of it scary, some of it sad, and only maybe a tiny bit of it good. I don't really know what I'm looking to convey here, but I feel like I need something. It's a little uncomfortable, I've never been one of those "support our troops" hard core people, but I guess that is something this experience is teaching me. What I want is to ask you to just send your good thoughts (and prayers if you lean that way) to the people in uniform. Not even necessarily to my husband in particular because as I was reminded today, there are thousands of other wives (and husbands, sisters, brothers, moms, dads . . . you get the picture, right?) out there who are stuck at home not knowing what is happening with their loved one on a daily basis.

That's it. I just want more good vibes, more "stay safe" vibes, more "bad aim from the bad guys" vibes, more "come home, please" vibes. Once this is over we'll figure out how we actually felt about it, figure out how to talk about it and live with what was experienced. But first, we have to get through it and the world needs more good vibes!!

Time keeps on tickin'

From a lack of nothing better to do, and a lack of desire for those things I must do, I was sitting here admiring Google Calendar and how pretty and colorful it is when you create a different calendar for each aspect of your life. For example, olive green = things I need to do, bright pink = pregnant stuff like doctor appointments, purple = special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries, dark khaki green = army stuff, and turquoise = holidays. This month, July, is so far the most colorful month I've had in several, probably since SGT T left and I was keeping track of all the moving/storage/appointments that would follow his departure. This month's rainbow, however, set my heart to pounding as I realized how short time really is. I know I touched on the things I've got coming up or whatever, but really, holy shit is time going to fly. There is so much olive green this month as I make notes to remember to run certain errands or pick people up from airports or attend certain baby showers of which I am the star (this one is probably in both green and pink)! And as many of you experience, it seems that late July and ALL of August are overwhelmingly full of birthdays to celebrate and remember and oh lordy all the cake!

My point, what little there may have been, is mostly just that this colorful month will pass in the blink of an exhausted eye and I'll wake up one morning and look at August looming larger than life and probably have a panic attack at what comes at the end of the month. Maybe I'm jumping the gun, but seriously, in a month there will be just one month left, and that one month is really just a gathering of possible weeks given the birthing history of the women in my family. I think I'll go stock up on paper bags now.

Boring, boring, and some more boring

It's been a while since I've written anything worthwhile, and I fear I still have nothing really hearty to say - nothing you can really "sink your teeth into", you could say. Alas, that hasn't really ever stopped me - you should see the ridiculously boring and mundane emails I send my poor deprived husband! "Today I woke up and brushed my teeth. The cats were really cute. I had a cheese sandwich for lunch, with Cool Ranch Doritos (of which I can't seem to get enough). I peed a lot today. I love you." Sad, really. I feel sorry for him, but don't know what to do to change it. I try perusing the BBC news website for interesting stories to share (his internet works very poorly so he never knows what is going on in the world); I try sharing what is going on locally and with my family and friends, but we are all in such a mellow, cruise along to get along place right now that there isn't much to tell. Even the growth of our fetus is a little boring at the moment - how do you answer the question "How is Chili doing?" every day, when all she does is grow and move around like an invasive and over-sized parasite in my belly? Some days I get lucky and get to relay the events at the doctors office: the doctor said everything is fine; I weigh more than a house; my belly is xx cm big. Even the results of these appointments are mundane and boring. Not that I'm complaining, no, never would I complain to have no pressing or urgent news from the doctors office. Grateful is what I am for that.

My point, if I must come up with one, is that the lack of attention I've given my blog isn't due to a jet-setting, too busy to post, lifestyle, but instead due to a serious lack of creativity and motivation on my part. I mean, the baby does grow and move a lot and that is exciting. The cats are adorably cute, and on a very regular basis. I do, indeed, have cheese sandwiches with Cool Ranch Doritos for lunch more often than not (though alas, today, we are out of both cheese and doritos and I'm not sure how to handle this turn of events). So yes, these things do happen. Maybe if I put some more effort into my thoughts I could find more entertaining ways of sharing these events. I just sat here for a whole minute trying to think of a clever and even if just in my mind entertaining way to tell you about my quest for cheese but came up with nothing. Creative dry spell, to say the least.

So, to keep it short and sweet, here's what I've been doing/what's been going on around these parts:

- I reached 30 weeks pregnant this week and still feel pretty great. While there is some guilt associated with this (the feeling great, not reaching 30 weeks), I am pretty excited to be where I am and feeling how I feel! Only 10 (give or take a couple) weeks to go!

- SGT T is, as of this very moment, alive and well. We have officially passed our previous separation time span of 5 months and it is beginning to show in random bouts of serious grumpiness on both our parts. Mine gets taken out on family, sometimes on him in our very infrequent instant message conversations. His gets taken out on, well, I don't know, maybe his guys, maybe not - I have no way to know. Maybe he doesn't take it out on anybody, he is often the bigger man than I in that department. Nevertheless, it is challenging and as the delivery of our baby approaches the reality and danger of where he is and what he is going through weighs heavier and heavier on my mind. It adds to the weight of all that we are missing out on together, all that can't be said or shared because the internet, while our saving grace during this time, is also mostly only good for "keeping in touch" and you don't want to just "keep in touch" with your partner in life - at any point in time, let alone while he is in a war and you are carrying your child. Enough of that, though, we are both healthy and surrounded either by loving family and friends or by well-trained people and deadly machines - which is all I could ask for for now!

- I've got an overwhelming number of projects I hope to complete before the baby arrives and I've yet to really start any of them. Still. Sewing, crafting, shopping, so much to do and so many other things to distract myself with. Like reading. And eating. And sleeping.

- Oh the sleeping! Many people have told me to sleep as much as I can now because I wont be able to soon, and it seems my body has finally taken this advice to heart. It could be the heat which drains the energy from me in no time, or it could be the boredom, most likely a combination of the two. Although I am pretty sure that any sleep I have now isn't really going to do much of anything to make the lack of sleep I've got coming up any more enjoyable. I suppose, in the wee hours when I drag out my boob once again to feed the bottomless pit of my babe's belly, I'll look back at those hours of extra sleep with a fond longing, maybe even a bit of jealousy for that naive, over-rested girl.

- The rest of my summer is shaping up to be a bit busier than it has been, but still comparatively low key. This coming weekend (the 4th), I'll take my parents to the airport for their escape to paradise, and then try do to some shopping for various items I need. The weekend after I am going south to visit a cousin, I haven't been to her house in about 5 years! The following weekend I think is open. Then my baby shower! Then I think the rest of the summer is just be getting ready, mentally and physically, and making sure I've got everything I need to take care of this girl once she shows up.

- I've been going through pictures, looking for ones of me as an infant so I can see how much Chili looks like me or her dad. I'm scared to show SGT T what I've found for fear that he will regret the day he put his baby maker in my baby maker - a cute little newborn was not what I was! He says he was a pretty cute baby, so hopefully she'll look like him at birth and like me as she gets older. My toddler and early childhood years were probably the pinnacle of my good looks! :)

Now, if you'll excuse my boring rambling, I've got to shower and figure out what to do about the no cheese or doritos issue.

Shit eating grin

When I look at my belly pictures one thing I notice in nearly all of them is this weird smirk or smug looking grin. I don't know why it looks like that because at the time the picture is being taken I generally feel like it is a small smile or a straight face. So this time, at the last minute, I forced a huge smile and this awful toothy thing is what we got. I guess it helps keep things new and entertaining, if nothing else.

29w6d

Wherein the eye rolling reaches dangerous levels

Call it my mommy hormones, call it my crazy cat lady hormones, either way these guys are just ridiculously cute.

I love the way Cricket is resting on her elbows in this picture (if you can see that).
You may not let us out there but that wont stop us from stalking every single window/door that is open!
Is it wrong that I'll probably use an image of my cats as my "happy place focus picture" during labor? (Careful! See, I told you the eye rolling could get dangerous up in here)

Moving right along

Like I said to a friend the other day, it's like I went to bed one night in late February/early March and woke up with the middle of June hurtling past me. And, like most moms-to-be that I read, I've accomplished about zero of the things on my "must do before baby arrives" list. Well, with the exception of buying a couple (ok, fine, several) really cute outfits for the baby, but how "necessary" is that? It's not. At all. My voice hasn't reached the ultra high pitched panic level yet, but it is certainly a few octaves above normal at this point!

27w6d (yep, tomorrow = 3rd trimester! Yay!)

Coherency and conciseness are for losers

What? Oh, hi there! Gosh, I guess it's been a while, eh? Just because I don't call or write doesn't mean I don't think about you, it mostly just means I'm lazy and/or don't have anything to say. Well, that's not true, I have plenty to say, I just happen to have the ability to (sometimes) figure out whether it is something anybody really wants to hear/read. Like I said, sometimes. I probably wouldn't have much of a blog if my filter worked perfectly.

I know I've been slacking on the belly pictures and the sad thing is that they aren't even sitting on my computer waiting for the inspiration to post them. They are pictures yet to happen. It's even worse because my next belly shot needs to be used for my Father's Day gift for SGT T. That could explain the procrastination: there is an actual need for the picture.

Baby T, or Chili if you will, is doing well. Monday I reached 27 weeks which is the last week of the second trimester. The only reason I know that is because I googled it, I'm still completely lost as to the whole weeks/months time issue with pregnancy. I can do weeks but don't ask me to talk to you in terms of months, it's just not going to happen and I will leave you feeling confused and disheartened, which is not a way I like to feel but a way I feel frequently.

I did the gestational diabetes screening test on Monday which wasn't nearly as bad as I read. The "soda" drink was, to me (an avid sugary drink drinker), fine and tasty and didn't make me sick or anything like it does for some people. I attribute that to years of soda tolerance build up - I'm a pro. Results: negative on the diabetes issue; positive on iron deficiency anemia. Lucky me, I get to take the iron pills. Do you know what extra iron does to you, especially "you" as an already digestionally challenged pregnant chick? Pretty much seals your fate as a miserable, bloated, plugged up grump. We'll see, today was the first day. I was told to try a certain herbal supplement instead of regular iron pills, but as they are more than twice the cost of the iron pills, I'll wait and see how this goes.

I've been feeling pretty great, overall. I sometimes get sharp pains in my belly, not really sure what they are from. Maybe just tweaks in the muscles from my lame attempts at exercise. Chili is moving around lots which is pretty special and exciting. On an aside: I'm pretty sure you should just get used to calling her Chili because as far as the blog is concerned, that's what we're naming her. Just like SGT T is SGT T, and not John or Steve. Privacy for privacy's sake, even though SGT T could probably care less if I used his real name. Chili, however, can't tell me which she would prefer so Chili it is, poor girl. Anyway, feeling pretty good, but I'm pretty sure I'm in denial about how far my body can be pushed. I think I've been over doing it lately and it leaves me feeling kinda crappy and not great, so I'm in negotiations with my body, trying to find a compromise we can both live with.

And that's about it. Like I said, not much worth writing, but now you know. Oh, I am experiencing some emotional moments randomly. For instance, Monday at the lab to get blood drawn I heard a baby crying somewhere (not just crying, it was that "oh god I'm dying and you are just sitting there letting me" scream/cry) and I nearly lost it and bawled right there. Luckily my "cold hearted bitch" mode isn't completely dead and I was able to drag it into the on position with just some leaky eyes for a moment. Close call. Today, however, SGT T and I had an excellent IM conversation where we made decisions regarding Chili that were really special and incredible decisions to be making and, being at home in the privacy of my bedroom without a waiting room full of spectators, I let the tears fall freely. There were lots of them, I was a big mushy cry baby. But it was awesome, nonetheless.

I hope to update soon with pictures and stuff. Maybe I'll make something in the kitchen and post pictures. It's been a while since I've done that, eh? It's been about 3 days since I've had any cake, so it's probably about time.

From those that know better

Me: Part of my belly button is a permanent outtie now

Dad: You are starting to look pregnant . . .

Me: Starting?!

Dad: Yeah. You are starting to look pregnant instead of just chubby.

Me: I think we best just change the subject.

Betrayed

One of my best friends has recently turned against me. I'm not sure why it's happened, I think it could have to do with the pregnancy, which is a sad reason to no longer be a supportive, comforting presence in my life.

I think last night was when this truth finally dawned on me, in a rather ugly coalescence of events precipitated by the arrival of over 80 degree weather. Let me explain. I have had a long and fulfilling relationship with ice cream, it has always been there for me, even when we went months without speaking. In grad school, ice cream and I encountered each other daily with no ill effects. Well, aside from the increased thigh circumference but I can't blame that entirely on my bff, now can I? Over the last few months I've had to turn my back on ice cream more and more, due to my increasing fear that at the rate my thighs were growing I would have to spend the next three months of summer bed ridden in a moomoo bought at Ross from the Women's section. Have you seen these "dresses"? *shudder*. This has been more challenging, this turning my back on a good friend, than I ever would have thought, in part due to my dad's people pleasing grocery trips that bring back multiple gallons of ice cream at a time. My will power is nothing when the creamy temptress is in residence.

The last couple of days have found the temperature above 80 degrees and while that isn't exactly sweltering, it is quite uncomfortable when you consider my "delicate condition". Last night was, to say the least, miserable. First, my close friend and confidant made it known that we would know each other no more, mainly with an aroma emanating from my body that disgusted even myself from whom it came. Second, the air in the house refused to circulate, not helped along at all by the fact that I could not open the windows due to a) that bad habit my brother has that I so recently kicked, and b) the fact that the cats enjoy nothing more than to hang from the screens when the windows are left open. Finally, knowing that I was exhausted and that sleep refused to come to me, regardless of the fact that I had to get up "early" in the morning. And so I spent three hours tossing and turning, getting up to pee every 20 minutes, roasting in my sauna of a room seasoned by that nasty reminder that we would be friends no more, before finally drifting off.

My dear friend, my chocolate and peanut butter mint chocolate chip strawberry lova', I wish you could have told me in a less harsh and uncomfortable manner that we were through. Alas, I will miss you and I promise, this will not be the end of our affair. I will attempt to reconnect, to stir up this old flame, maybe in a few months, but it could be at least a year. In the meantime, I'm going to go hit up your trashy step-brother - Soy Dream, here I come!

Updated: It appears that my other good friend, Cheese, has turned it's back on me as well. The entire Dairy family? Why, oh why? The misery, I tell you.

When I'm not on the internet . . .

Some of you may know that I'm an avid reader. Mostly I read brain candy, but occasionally I'll read something deeper and more meaningful. I'm not really sure where The Stand fits in there, but it's what I'm reading right now. For like the 6th time.

In high school, perhaps sophomore or junior year, I had a teacher for Sociology (Mr. G - whom I had my first awkward and bizarre, ahem, sex dream about (awkward and bizarre because, late bloomer that I was, I probably didn't even know what a penis does and yet here is my 50+ year old Soc teacher with his pants down in my dream - like I said, awkward)) who told us about one of his favorite books, The Stand by Stephen King. I had never read any Stephen King but being the impressionable young girl I was, who apparently had an inappropriate crush on her teacher, I went out and read it. And I haven't looked back since.

I've never had a favorite song, band, color, or food but if pressed, I would say that The Stand is my favorite book. Followed pretty closely by The Dark Tower series, also by Stephen King. I'm not sure what it is about these books that I love, but love them I do. I know I enjoy how complicated the stories are, how developed the characters are and how you come to hate or love certain people in the books all over again each time you meet them, how each time I read one of them I find something new to get excited about or scared about, or even something old that takes on a new meaning to me at that particular place in my life. I suppose most books can have that sort of impact on you, but for me these are the only books I've read so many times (with the exception of that wizard with the broken glasses).

Do other people read the same book multiple times? I know that most people who are voracious readers, those who read for FUN, do. What are your "go to" books?

Just one of the things wrong with this picture

Are those vertical fat rolls coming out of the back of my shirt? Oh lordy.

Mama wanted cake

. . . and will use any excuse she can to get it.

I was craving cake today and was wracking my poor, sugar deprived brain for a reason to go ahead and make one. That is when I realized that my cats are a year old this month, and what cat doesn't want to celebrate turning 1 with a cake? Especially one that is home made and really ugly?!

No cat, that's who!


Recipe for cake and frosting are from the back of the Pillsbury Cake Flour box. Cake is just a regular white cake I think, with raspberry jam. Frosting is "supposed" to be Buttercream frosting.

Lesson learned: Don't use fake butter for frosting. It melts at a much lower temperature and you wont be able to spread the frosting on your cake without climbing into your freezer. As fun as this sounds, it is not. Do you see how on the right side of the cake there is what looks like elephantitis of the cake? That's the melting frosting issue. Not pretty.

I'll try again next month when we celebrate "Left Korea 1 year ago" day!

Do you feel sorry for my unborn children yet? I do!

Almost perfect

Sunday's are great, aren't they? Even though I don't have a job and every day tends to be the same as the day before, something about Sunday conjures up the need to sleep in, stay in my pj's until noon, and just spend the day lounging around doing nothing important or necessary. This morning was one of those days - for some lucky reason when I semi-jokingly said "Who wants to go down to Starbucks and get me coffee?", my dad practically ran out the door to get it for me! Apparently he had to go to the grocery store next door anyways, but still, I felt pleasantly surprised and delightfully guilty-free (for the most part)!

I waited for the coffee before diving into the paper and checking out the ads. It was awesome and just felt right. It felt how Sunday morning should feel. After the paper and some We TV (about cakes, otherwise, down with We! but cakes, who can change the channel when we are dealing with life or death cake creations? certainly not I) I showered and headed to the next town over for some clearance rack shopping. And boy, I was met with some serious success. Such success that I may have spoiled my trip to the BIG city tomorrow. Enough success that I feel just a tiny guilty but not guilty enough to return a single item. Nope. SGT T and I are going to have the cutest dressed little girl, and I tell you, so far the first year of her life is costing on average around $3.00 per outfit. The guilt comes from the fact that I bought myself some stuff too, but even that was averaging around $7.00 per item! Sweet deals, I tell you!

Top the evening off with a BBQ and a friend stopping by, and who could ask for a better Sunday?! Oh, you're right, some mint chocolate chip would make it perfect, wouldn't it? Dang, so close!

A belly in time

This post could alternately be titled "Boobs vs. Belly"; the harrowing tale of a girl whose body is out of her control, both boobs and belly competing to become larger than the other. It's not as fun as it sounds.

Since I didn't post these from the beginning, this will just be one post full of pictures of my increasingly voluptuous stomach. It may get boring, but for me it is kind of fun to look at the progression over time. I have noticed, however, that it appears as though I am sticking my stomach out in an attempt to make it look more pregnant, but I assure you, I am not. It took me a while to figure out why it looks this way, and I've determined that it is due to the way my back looks arched and makes it look like my ass sticks out. But I promise, this is just how badonkadonk I am. And you thought you had problems finding jeans that fit!

Oh, and I'm not going to include the before/early pregnancy picture of my tummy, so we'll just all imagine me with a nice flat stomach. Really, yep, 6-pack and all.

12w5d


14w1d


16w6d


18w4d


20w3d


22weeks


It looks like I'm due for another picture on Monday when I hit 24 weeks. The above pictures average around every 2 weeks, I think. Last time we tried a couple of pictures with my hands down because Mom thought maybe that's why the other pictures looked weird, and I tell you, because my back sways so much and my ass sticks out so much, it just looked awful. So, instead, I just look like I'm walking around sticking my belly out, while awkwardly holding my arms up in my armpits. I'm cool like that. Also, sorry some of those are ginormous, I know, it's unsettling seeing that weird smirk/smile on my face so up close and personal. Speaking of which, I don't know why I made that face. When I am making it, it just feels like a sort of half smile, you know, so I'm not scowling at the camera. But then I see it, and it looks like I'm all "Yeah, you know you like it" or something. Weird.

Aren't I too young for bunions?

I had a realization today.

Monday, the 11th, marked one year of not smoking for me.

I just gave myself the best pat on the back eva' because, obviously, I totally rock like that.

There are times where I miss it. Excruciatingly so. Even with baby on board. For example, the other day I stopped and got coffee on the way home from the gym and as I turned onto my street, I saw a couple of people sitting on the curb in the shade of their car lighting up. The urge was SO strong it made me sad. Most of the time though, I don't even think about it, which is a huge relief. The challenge will be when SGT T gets home. He's not going to like all the new smoking rules that will have to be implemented with Baby T around! He'll probably think it is me being sneaky and trying to make him quit. I would never be sneaky! Nope, never.

Anyways, I did it, and it's been a year and I am happy about it! The main reason I did it is because I really, really, wanted to be a jogger. That hasn't panned out too well, but not due to poor oxygen processing in my damaged lungs. If I'm able to get surgery relatively soon after the baby comes then I could possibly be jogging once again in a year or so, depending on recovery from having my feet worked on. Gross feet, anyways.

Have a great weekend!

bits of Tid

"Now, your baby is going to want to climb out through your tummy, but it's actually going to have to come out your peepee." - Mary, age 5

"Aunt [SPS], I want to say bye to your baby," says my nephew. I maneuver/aim the basketball I have swallowed at his mouth. "Bye bye, Chili!" - Kolby, age 7

Mary: Your tummy is just fat because you have a baby in it.
Me: IT'S NOT FAT IT'S ROUND!! (and then she mysteriously tripped).

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My sister and her husband celebrated their wedding anniversary this weekend by spending an entire weekend at the coast without their children. If you didn't gather, the children spent the entire weekend with us. It was great for my ego. I seriously can't tell you how many times Mary told me my tummy is fat due to the baby. FAT. That tripping part, I'm not telling if I'm kidding or not. Is it wrong to hold a grudge against a 5 year old? I think not.

I have a pinched nerve somewhere in my shoulder blade region. It might be caused by the fat. Which is only there because of the baby. Really. Regardless, I think it's going to kill me.

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The other day I had to have an earring removed via wire cutters. I've been too afraid to put earrings with backs back in my ears since then. Not sure why, but the back just wouldn't come off of this one pair of earrings. When my mom tried pulling the back off it turns out she was actually pulling the entire earring through my ear. The wrong way. I only realized something was wrong when I asked where the epidural was for this? And then I declared that I changed my mind about wanting a baby.

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I wonder if I'll ever talk about anything other than having a baby again. I hope so, I bore myself so I can't imagine what you, my two readers, must endure when you see that I've updated. I imagine a glass, nay, an entire bottle of whiskey placed by the computer within arms reach. The quiet inward focus, almost zen-like, that you strive for before opening up the page. I'm sorry.

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Oh, hey! I'm back from my road trip! A couple weeks ago I flew to NC to get my car out of storage. Turns out it's cheaper to drive across the country, flights and hotels included, than it is to buy a car you can trust. Go figure. Among the highlights of the drive were losing a library book somewhere in the southern states between Georgia and New Mexico, and seeing the "largest cross in the western hemisphere" in Texas. I'm not sure which was more moving of an experience.

I did get to see a couple more states that I hadn't been to yet, including Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, and Oklahoma. We may, or may not, have done some Bill Clinton stalking. I'll never tell.

It's only fair

I hope I'm not overdoing it here, two posts in one day. It's just that, when I was writing the first one, SGT T called, finally. So now he knows before you which is really all I wanted. Mwa ha ha ha, I know. And so, without further ado . . .

Coming soon, to a town near you

Still no word from SGT T which means no baby news for you. So sorry! This is definitely the longest we've gone without talking since he's been deployed, if not ever, so it's kind of a drag. Especially since I only know so much about what has been happening at his FOB this week (read: I know NOTHING) and because I have such exciting news to share with him and I can't believe I have to hold it in this long! Alas, it is only fair, wouldn't you say? See, I can keep "secrets". Ha!

Moving on. Today I head up to Portland to stay the night because I've got a butt ass early flight tomorrow to go to NC. Why am I going to NC, you ask? Finally, FINALLY I'm getting a car! Any car. MY car! After spending the last couple of months looking and judging and researching what you can get for under $2000 that you would be willing to drive your newborn kid around in, the decision was reached that it is more affordable for me to just go back to NC and get my car from storage. I know the car, I know what is wrong with it and I trust it to get us around safely. Plus, that way we'll only have one car to try to sell next year when SGT T gets home and we move to Germany.

Gasp! Did she just say MOVE TO GERMANY?! Why yes, yes I did. A couple of weeks ago SGT T signed his reenlistment papers for four more years (yuck) with choice of duty station: Germany (hooray!). Oh well, will you look at that, another secret I've kept. (Excuse me, I appear to be feeling a little bitter today, deep breath, deep breath, OK, again, moving on). So how awesome is that? Very, very awesome.

So, anyways, la la la, I'm going to NC tomorrow with my mom where we'll get my car out of storage then drive across the country. We're going to take the "southern" route, going through Atlanta, Memphis, Little Rock, Amarillo, Albuquerque. We're hoping to stop for a little extra time in Albuquerque or maybe Santa Fe, and then we'll go up to Utah. Mom will fly home from SLC and I'll get to chill with old Utah friends, including the ever-expanding Lisa (and Josh, though he's losing body parts, not gaining them) of Snow Piddle fame. Lisa, whom I am lucky enough to get to share this experience with, simultaneously, as she is due just two days before me. So, looking forward to the drive and getting my own car back, as well as seeing friends again! I'll hopefully be able to update as I'm taking the dinosaur, er, I mean laptop, with me and internet is almost always a given these days. But no promises!

You. Change your mind. Like a girl. Changes clothes.

Like a teenage girl: I love you, no I hate you, no I love you, no I never want to see you again!

I had a rough patch over the last month or two, dealing with all kinds of crap, and this week it all kind of culminated and I took it out on my blog, thinking that by getting rid of the blog that would somehow make things less shitty. I know, not much to say to that unless you know the back story, but out of respect for something I used to hold dear (whether it deserves that respect - I withhold my thoughts on the matter) I wont be going into that here. Regardless, I reacted on emotion without waiting for rational thought to return and said goodbye. Will you have me back? Well, I'm back whether you'll have me or not. When rational thought returned it said "Fuck that. This is MINE and if YOU don't like it, or me and what I'm talking about, that's your problem so quit looking". Getting rid of this blog and starting a new one, for what? Out of respect of a friendship that is no more? So I don't hurt your feelings by writing about something that has nothing, NOTHING, to do with you? What kind of logic is that?

It's not.

So here I am, back and rip roarin' ready to write about stuff. We've got baby pictures, belly pictures, gender information, and maybe some general rambling, though I've found that with unemployment and a dwindling number of friends, my thoughts pretty much focus on the incredible increasing size of my stomach and the sad decreasing frequency of my bowel movements. I'll admit, though, that I can't complain about being a bit backed up (unless it becomes worse or a regular occurrence) since I've generally felt an incredible lack of any of the other negative symptoms of pregnancy. Still, not very exciting if I'm looking for blog fodder, so we'll just see how far I get with non-baby related posts. So, for now, let's all just cross our fingers and send some good strong "you can work" vibes to the satellite SGT T needs for internet access so that I can come back here and share it with you!

Adios

I'm shutting it down. Moving on. Maybe I'll start up somewhere else, anonymously, maybe not. I'm sick of it, watching what I write because of who reads, making sure I don't write anything that needs to be told to certain people in person first, just censoring in general and stressing specifically.

Top 10 things you don't do to a pregnant woman

1. Steal her food.

There's no need to continue with the list, that is all that is on it.

Yesterday I met a friend for lunch at my favorite Chinese restaurant in town and I can't tell you how much I was looking forward to the leftovers for lunch today. OK, I'll try: I was looking forward to them A LOT. Needless to say, this living at the folks' house with my 20 year old brother has thrown a, how do you say, damper on my leftover plans. Due to the sensitive nature of my dear reader's ears, I will not repeat the profanities that flew out of my mouth (and at the top of my voice) when I opened my container to find about three noodles and an eggroll left in what was once an overstuffed box of Orange Tempeh, Lo Mein and rice just waiting to be savored by these watering tastebuds.

Sigh. I nearly cried.

Bring your gloves, it's cold in here

Last week my co-pregnancy friend asked me if I was getting weepy at the slightest thing, and at the time, I wasn't really. My my, what a difference a few days can make. It started on Monday at the gym, I was on the treadmill and first I saw an older gentleman who appeared to have been in the military at some point because he had the haircut, and he was wearing the khaki colored shirt that I associate with the uniform. Whatever the reason, I saw him, and the tears instantly burst forth, my chin did that scrunchy quiver thing (I am not a dainty crier, that much is for sure), and I had to close my eyes and think of rainbows and puppies. Then I glanced up at the TV that was set on CNN and it was all over. It was the day that the California family murder/suicide shooting happened, the day that the nursing home shooting happened, and then, come to find out, it was the day that the 23 year old kid killed two of his sisters, beheading his 5 year old sister in front of the police, leaving only one sister to survive. And let's not forget the man in Columbia who has been raping his daughter since she was 5 years old, producing something like 8 children with her, and claiming that they can't accuse him of incest because she isn't his biological daughter. Time to go home, wouldn't you say? And now, it happens all the time, regardless of how happy or depressing the show I'm watching is. Teary eyes, they peek out until I can squelch them down with my steely, dead soul. I'm surprised it isn't worse, what with various circumstances I've got going on in my life, but perhaps I speak to soon and the worst is yet to come. Well, I have no doubt that the worst is yet to come, on all fronts, but still. I guess it is good for now that these hormones don't have the appropriate winter weather wear to trudge through my cold, desolate heart to make me an even worse blubbering mess!

Big news in evil town

Last August or September, I went off the pill. The only person that knew was SGT T, and contrary to what you all believe about me, I was able to keep that secret from everybody (mwa ha ha ha). I did end up telling one friend who was going through her own struggles with fertilization, but I sort of knew I'd be telling her anyways. We weren't really trying to get pregnant, I wasn't using any ovulation kit test and then jumping on SGT T the second it said I was ovulating, but we kinda thought if it happens, great, if not, no sweat. Besides, we're getting OLD, and the pressure from my gramma was just too much. Just kidding, gramma, I could have ignored your pressure if it weren't for the age factor! I did mark on my calendar when we had sex and when my potential ovulation window was, and I'll tell you, until December, there was no chance I was getting knocked up!

I think I had been relying on discernible results from the test for Christmas morning, but instead my parents probably got nothing from us (because I'm all kinds of awesome in the gift giving department). A couple of days after Christmas I started feeling kinda crampy and crabby and PMSy in general, and if you know much about the timing of pregnancy and stuff, your period pretty much is due about when you may start showing early signs of pregnancy such as crampy and crabbiness, which, surprise! That's what your period is like! I bought a couple of tests when we were back in NC, with the intention of waiting until the following morning to take one because the instructions say best results are your first pee, but duh, I just couldn't wait. And boy the speed with which that stick yelled at me that I was pregnant was insane! I called to SGT T to come in the bathroom and check something out (with more than a little bit of panic in my voice), turns out he thought it was a spider or some nasty NC bug I wanted to show him. Needless to say, it was a wee bit scarier than a bug!

That was New Years Eve, 2008. The timing was great! I texted my friend who had found out she was pregnant the day before and told her my "HOLY SHIT" news and she told me to take the second test right then. So I did. It was all "Duh, dude, you are so freakin' pregnant". Then I called my parents and asked if they had gotten Skype on Dad's fancy new laptop yet and asked them to get it downloaded because I wanted to video chat with them later. After a lot of confusion and hullabaloo they got it figured out and we got settled on the webcams, and I told them I was emailing them something that I wanted them to open together, "It's your late Christmas present" I told them. SGT T and I waited patiently while they opened it and this is what they saw:



It was beyond priceless to see their reactions. I'm pretty sure that because of our back and forth about wanting kids for the past two years, and with the impending deployment, they had figured it wasn't in our immediate future and so it was just not on their minds as something to be thinking of, so the shock of it, especially for Mom, was pretty big. Oh ho ho, boy it makes me laugh when I think of her face! My sister was a fun one, too. I texted her and was all "Whatcha doing?" (you know, cause it was New Years and all), and she was all "Nothin' much, how bout you?" and I said "Not much, just told Mom and Dad that I'm pregnant". And really, I'm surprised how long it took for her to call me, it had to be at least two minutes before my phone rang. And that, my friends, is how my parents found out I'm pregnant. Thank goodness I am too far along to tell them today, on April Fool's Day, because man that would confuse the hell out of them, but oh the fun I would have had!

Is that a hair in my sock?

In the last year I have had two haircuts, one in South Korea and one in North Carolina (sidenote- I can't tell you how many times I've started a sentence with "When I lived in North Korea" because of that combination of living places). If you include the redo of the NC-mall-haircut a day later, I've actually had three hair cuts in the last 16 months. I can't remember how long it had been before I left for Korea that I had a haircut, but as you can see based on last year, it was most likely several months prior. Every day I've been telling myself to just go down to SuperCuts and get it cut, just a trim because lord knows you shouldn't make drastic style changes while hormonally challenged. Every day I convince myself not to, it's just a little pain after a shower to get it combed out, no big deal, suck it up your husband is at war ya wuss. And then today I had a brilliant idea, one that would continue enabling my haircut-laziness as well as serve a good cause for this uber-vitamined hair I've finally got going for me. I will commit to growing my hair the entire time SGT T is deployed, with the rare trim thrown in for avoiding the dry heaves caused by the disgust I get when looking at the split ends I'm sporting, and then chop it all off after he is back and donate to Locks of Love. It's a win-win, no? I win, because I don't have to worry about getting my hair cut, the kids win because they get some red locks, and my husband wins because not only am I "growing out my hair the entire time he is gone to show my support for him and the rest of the troops" but I will cut it all off shortly after he returns so he doesn't have to live with my nasty long hair getting into everything. So really, it's like a win-win-win^2 situation.

I've missed you

I've had a bit of social life overload lately and I fear my blog may have paid the price for my lack of life-balancing skills. It's been quite some time since I've had more than one thing at a time to do (i.e., interact with human beings and write here once in a while, see? it's so much!) and I fear I'm a bit rusty. Last week a friend from Utah came to visit, it was awesome and a little weird to have Utah visiting me in Oregon instead of me visiting Utah! To remedy that I rode back out to Utah with her so I could visit a couple of other people, which is what I'm currently doing.

I've got to say, it's been such a roller coaster week for me and I've been pondering some blog decisions I feel I need to make but am no closer to reaching a conclusion. First though, I want to thank one of the most awesome women I know for doing that which I've needed done for the gods only know how long: she knocked me right the hell out of the funk I've been in for at least a year, probably longer. The first night I was at her house I was in the bathroom and noticed that something looked kind of weird with my face. I stared in the mirror for several minutes before I figured out what it was: my laugh lines - I could see them! And they were red from overuse. I can't tell you how incredibly awesome it has felt to experience three days of laughter and fun and lightheartedness, even with a serious conversation here and there, after wondering for so long if this was me now. This miserable, frowning grumpy face that I just know people look at and think, wow, what's her problem? Incredibly awesome, and I don't know how to thank you!

Anyways, so I guess that would be part of the high, fun roller coaster stuff. The lower parts of the ride have to do with this blog and some contact I've recently had from a couple of exes (why more than one has recently blessed, ahem, me with their presence on facebook is beyond me). I've been contemplating starting a new blog and keeping it more anonymous so that I feel more comfortable talking about some things that right now I am not comfortable talking about because my parents and aunts and uncles and friends read this. There are some things that I think I'd like to ramble about but that I don't necessarily want people we know to know about, you know? Nothing big, but if I wanted to vent about SGT T's ACU infatuation and not worry about it hurting his feelings by it coming up in conversation unexpectedly, I could! And now with the unfortunate ex-perience, at least one of them potentially knows of this blog and can pop in anytime he wants and I don't think I like that. Granted, it probably empowers him if I stop writing, but why should I make my life available to him if all he does is make assumptions and judge me? Talk about inhibiting what I will share, you know?

I know, I'm probably overreacting and this is what I want your guys' help with. I would love some suggestions or advice on if you think I should keep this blog or not. I thought about keeping it and just doing pregnancy updates for the family and stuff, but that probably wont happen if I think unwelcome readers may be lurking nearby. If this were like a totally popular blog that more than 5 people read, I would probably just say screw it because chances are I'd have more than one asshole reading it, but I'm not and I happen to know the asshole reading this one. And oh boy did I just stir up a shitcan of worms, right?

By far, though, the positive of the last week and a half has far outweighed the negative and I have been having a great time catching up with everybody. I still think they should all just pack up and move with me whenever I move, but for some reason nobody things that is a good idea. Well, one of them is somewhat willing, but only if it is a more permanent move than a 3 year enlistment provides, which, AWESOME!

Spring is on the way

Being back in my hometown has been pretty great, regardless of my continual crankiness. I've been more active on a regular basis, going for walks, going to the park, going to great food places . . . I just wanted to share a couple of pictures from my recent outdoor excursions even though I don't really have anything to share in the form of words.

A spring time yard

A sidewalk picture

My feet in the sky as I swing

Taking this picture myself was quite a challenge, try it sometime!

SGT Chili T

I went to a real, honest-to-goodness, OB/GYN doctor last Wednesday for the sole reason of being pregnant (and having that verified). No ER doctor, no Family Practioner, no nurses, just a board certified pregnant lady doctor, and it was great! I got free pamphlets, free tums, and a free book, oh my! I also got a more recent picture of the thing residing inside my body. [note: I've yet to come up with a cute little nickname for it like all the other mommybloggers I've read, who had perfect little names like "nubbin" and "wombat". And I refuse to use a common name like peanut or button, because how barfingly cute are those, right? So, I'm open to suggestions on that little matter].

I scanned the ultrasound picture in and emailed it to SGT T who thanked me profusely for the picture of our baby.

Original Picture

I asked him if he was able to tell what he was looking at, I swear this is the clearest, most obvious profile picture I've ever seen from an ultrasound, and he said NO. So this is what I just emailed him, in an effort to make him as much a part of this experience as I can.

SGT T Picture


All of this to say that, yes, things are well and good and moving right along, thank you all for your concern and reassurances!

You either get it or you don't

This took place on the way home from dinner, driving past Taco del Mar, whose sign reads "Mission Style Burritos":

me: What are mission style burritos, are those like what you would get from San Francisco or something? (referring to the yummy yummy burritos you can get in the mission district)

mom and dad: I don't really know.

brother: Those are when the burrito is on top.

Almost a great day

Just now, when I was getting ready to shower, I weighed myself and I weighed 10 (TEN!) pounds less than yesterday. While the rational part of my brain was being violently shoved into a tiny little box with a heavy duty padlock on it as I checked and rechecked the truth of what I saw, my hormone brain was rejoicing and not in the least bit worried that I lost the equivalent of both of my feet in weight while sleeping last night. Unfortunately, the part of me that is concerned for the well-being of the other-being inside me took over and made my mom step on the scale for double checking's sake. Her weight was correct and my hormone brain continued rejoicing until I stepped back on and was at yesterdays weight again. So close, yet so very very far.

Etiquette

You may not know this, but I've been applying for a lot of jobs over the last, well, year, but my eventual point is more relevant to the immediate past. I've been applying for lots of jobs and while I haven't been called for an interview on a single one, I'm thinking that eventually somebody will call and I will need to know how to handle a certain aspect of the experience. And that aspect is this:

If I'm not showing yet, is it inappropriate to not tell the interviewer that I am pregnant?

Your thoughts?

Is Wednesday a good TV night?

I want to write more, but I don't know what about. You don't want to hear about how I'm sitting around feeling sorry for myself one minute, and how I am still looking for a job and have applied for more jobs in the last week than I ever thought possible. It gets old to me, the one going through it, so I can only imagine all the eye rolling y'all do when you open me up and see that I'm still acting like a spoiled brat and still complaining that I am not working. Which brings me to my beginning statement of not knowing what else to write about. It's hard to come up with creative, new ideas when I am obsessing all day about jobs and money and if I am pregnant or not! I'll take suggestions, if anybody has any. If not, I may have to start stealing ideas from blogs I read. More likely, I'll just start posting links to the blogs I read. That'll show you.

This isn't one of them

Hey, remember when I used to write entertaining posts? No? I guess those of you that read my rambling grad school posts on myspace might recall. I am so tired of being so stressed all the time and not having any original and fun ideas to write about. Not that I was a literary genius or anywhere close to creative and entertaining, even, but I could get a chuckle or two sometimes. Now I'm just depressed and feel so serious all the time, like my sense of humor got buried somewhere along the way and it is suffocating and close to never seeing daylight again. I am lonely and sad and have this feeling of inevitableness that is suffocating and I worry that it will become debilitating.

Oh but hey, anyways, let's smile a little, stop feeling sorry for myself for a minute, OK? Today was my mom's birthday, and also the first time I've seen my sister since I've been back home. We all went to lunch, Mexican of course, and then I made a cake. The cake was pretty cool; when Mom and I were in Raleigh we ate at Macaroni Grill and split a piece of smothered chocolate cake that was incredibly yummy, so I did my best to recreate it at Mom's request. I rocked it, if I do say so myself.

On a, shall we say better?, note, I'm feeling pregnant again. After the last two weeks of worrying that feeling no symptoms of pregnancy after the bleeding stuff meant I wasn't pregnant, the stupid crampy feeling that is back makes me relieved and a bit happy. Like when you bitch about your period and how much it sucks but then pray for it if it is a day late, and celebrate when it shows up. I know, I should enjoy the no symptoms while I can, at least I'm not barfing, just wait it'll be so much worse, whatever, this is my pregnancy, not yours. And I am grateful for the lack of barfing and, for the time-being, the lack of any other uncomfortable sabotages my body has in store, trust me, but that doesn't mean that I'm not breathing a sigh of relief now that I feel sort of pregnant again. And that doesn't mean that I'm not still entitled to bitching about any and all of it! I'm really good at that part!*

I informed my mom and sister today that I have every intention of avoiding the delivery portion of the baby process, but that I haven't yet figured out how. I don't think they took me as seriously as I meant it, their raucous laughter was my first clue.

*I don't mean to sound like a bitch but after this apology, I'm not going to apologize for sounding like a bitch again for the next 7 months, minimum. So hey, guys? I'm really sorry if I'm coming across as a bitch, I don't mean it, I promise. I really, really appreciate all the support and advice and stories and experience all of you have to share, and I hope you'll continue, or start, to share more. The problem is, right now, I am so incredibly irritable that I react in completely irrational ways to really innocent situations. Sorry. Thanks. :)

Home

It's been 12 days since I last saw SGT T. Twelve days since he left the U.S. in an effort to do his part of what he signed up for. Twelve days to get from one side of the world to the other, and you know what? Last I heard, he's still not there. They are in Afghanistan, but not at their final destination, weather and this little thing called war keep preventing them from getting to what will be home for the next year. He called me a couple days ago, briefly, just to make sure I got to Oregon OK. I guess I forgot to send him an email letting him know that the cat travel adventures went well and that we all arrived safely. Sweet of him to worry when he's in the situation that he's in; you better believe I felt guilty after that phone call!

The cats and I all made it to my parents house without a hitch. Mom came out to help, which was fantastic, and she even bought me my first pregnant-gigantic-boobie bras, thankyoubabyjesus. I am a little amazed at how little backlash I'm feeling from the cats for making them go through the ordeal they went through on the airplanes, but they've been quite good since we got here. I'm back, living at my parents' house, and sharing a room with two cats. Not ideal accommodations for any of us - me, the cats, or my parents, but it works, it's temporary, and I'm grateful. I'm grateful, I'm grateful, I'm grateful. My new mantra.

I'm working on getting settled in and situated, but it's slow going because I have to do some painting in the bedroom and switch rooms with my brother and stuff. See, my brother has the big bedroom which I feel I am entitled to what with the pending extra body to be added to my accommodations. In the meantime, I'm taking down the wallpaper in my brother's childhood bedroom, where I am now, and I am going to paint. Why I'm doing this work in a room I'm not going to be staying in is a little convoluted, even to me, but it has to do with being a little unsure if there is still a baby in my body and wanting the room to be clean and fresh if, by chance, I stay in it.

Which, I guess brings me to the ER story, which turns this into a "Catching up on everything" post instead of allowing me to post multiple times over the next couple days with updates. Dang. When I started week 7 of pregnancy, I started spotting (do I really need to explain what this is? If you don't know, google it). Nothing heavy, nothing painful, but constant and scary. I called the OBGYN advice line for my hospital and they said if it gets worse or changes, or even if it stays the same, to go to the ER to get it checked out. That was Monday. On Friday I decided that since SGT T was leaving on the following Monday, and I was still bleeding, I wanted to go get checked out. So 7 pm on Friday night we headed to the ER. Not a smart decision. Long story short, it took a total of 8.5 hours before I got to go home. The doctor did a pelvic exam, and an internal ultrasound thing, and we got to see the heartbeat. Baby was alive and looked fine. He said that for women who experience bleeding, once you see the heartbeat your chances go up to 90% of having a healthy normal pregnancy. Still at risk, but mostly you'll be fine. Except that since then, I haven't had a single pregnancy symptom. No more nausea, no more overwhelming exhaustion, even my boobs seem to have gone back to normal. With the move and everything I hadn't been able to make a doctors appointment, so I go in to my new PCM next Wednesday for a referral and who knows how long it will be before I get to see my new OBGYN. The only thing that keeps me from being absolutely positively sure that I don't have a baby in me is my super human sense of smell and the whacked dreams I've been having every night lately. We shall see, I'll keep you updated. And that's all for now!

I'm growing a human being . . .

what's your super power?
(7 weeks, 2009Jan24)

* I am now 9 weeks, and keeping it to myself was just too much for me anymore! The 7 week ultrasound was done at the ER, stories to come eventually. I have not yet seen an actual OBGYN, so no further information is available.
**That top picture got a little ruined because I accidentally left these on top of the toaster oven and it kinda overexposed. Way to set the precedence for future childhood memorabilia, Mom!

United States of wha?

So, SGT T left on Monday. I came home from the farewell thing and proceeded to invite 80 gazillion people I only kind of knew in high school to be my friends on facebook. Only later did I see the connection, but whatever. Most people accepted and it looks like I'm not the only one that is a friend whore, so who cares. Besides, I'm hoping that most everybody is past all the cliques and social stigmas we had back then. In any case, I've spent entirely too much time on facebook this week and now that my mom is on her way here, I feel hopeful that I'll be distracted a bit more. Besides, it's not like I don't have a shit ton of stuff to do, and she'll keep me on track.

I go pick up my mom tonight, she gets in around 8 so we wont get back to my place until around 10. But, since I'm living on insomnia-time and she's on west coast time, we'll probably be able to catch some Thursday TV with the DVR. I'm going to miss my DVR. I'll have to go back to internet TV to catch all the shows I miss and just can't live without. Sigh.

SGT T called yesterday. They are in some country somewhere, I wont write what he said because as far as I can tell, it's not a real country and I don't want to either a) embarrass him, or b) give away top secret US super stealthy countries hidden in the middle of nowhere. He did, however, get to have a layover in Germany which I pointed out to him meant that he finally got to visit one of our 'must see' destinations before me. Granted, just an airport, but it still made him happy. They will be in their top secret made-up country for an undetermined number of days before loading up and heading off to their final destination where he will be trapped for the next 13 months with nothing but a two week mid-tour leave to look forward to. I guess when you're in prison two weeks is a long time, right?

Why did Billy Ray bother changing his hair?

Today is the day. The spouses and family go to say goodbye in a little over an hour, at the farewell ceremony thing. I'm a little uncomfortable about the public forum for our final goodbye, but I suppose it's what we've got so I'll take it. I'm not really sure what will happen, but I sure hope there is food served because it runs from 11:30 to 2:30 and them is prime eatin' hours!

Achy heart aside, I am very excited that I will be leaving here in 8 days! Mom arrives on Thursday to help me pack and clean and travel with the cats, and we'll be home next Tuesday and I couldn't be happier. I'm having a hard time deciding where my first meal will be; right now it is a gastrointestinal battle between China Delight and Andale's and Papa's (it's been too long since I've had some decent taco pizza!) The impossible situations in which I find myself! Life is such a challenge.

Bye, babe, I love you!

(Wedding photo, 2/10/07)

LOST starts Today!

You know how I said that I don't have much going on to write about? It's not entirely true, but I still seem to be doing an incredible amount of couch sitting and ass widening. When I was in grad school I struggled with recognizing my strengths and weaknesses in the real world, and well, perhaps now I'm just embracing my strengths and sticking to what I'm good at!

As you saw yesterday, we got a little snow yesterday. Based on the amount of snow I had to push off the car, I'd say we got about 5 inches total.

Today is sunny and gorgeous, the snow is melting which is a bummer, but I enjoyed it while it was here. It was a little strange that SGT T didn't have to work due to the weather, and that supposedly the base was closed, again, due to weather. However, we decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, and were grateful for the extra day together.

Which, turns out, was a good thing because SGT T just called to let me know they found out they are leaving on Monday. Fun how reality hits a little more forcefully when you have an actual date for things to happen.

Happy Barack Obama Day!

I'd love to tell you that the reason I haven't written anything recently is due to how busy I am and how exciting my life is, but given my tendency towards guilt, I wont lie. No, I haven't written because I'm having a hard time coming up with anything worth the effort of logging on to blogger for these days. Until today, that is. And not just because I've watched more CNN today than ever before in my life.

Last week when we were walking up the walk to our front door, we noticed that we weren't the only ones thinking it had been feeling like Spring around here.

Then, last night, SGT T got a call saying that they didn't have to show up for formation until 10 am, as opposed to 5 am, because they were expecting snow. We both thought it was a little weird that things were closing and announcing delayed opening hours and stuff before any rain, let alone snow, had fallen, but hey, we're not from here so what do we know? This morning, SGT T got a call saying that work was canceled for the day because the base was closed. Go figure.

On my mind

Oh, hey. Hi! It's been a while, hasn't it? But guess what? LOST is back next week and I'm so excited! I'm watching the recap right now, and it I forgot how much I like this show; it's been so long since it's been on!

In other news, I don't have anything to say, and I thought about posting more pictures, but that's kind of half-assed, isn't it? However, I am entering the "use all the food in the cupboards since they can't put it in storage" phase of getting ready to move and will be doing some baking over the next week. Tonight I made chocolate chip cookies, but didn't take any pictures. I'll try to remember tomorrow, but no biggie.

I attempted to make that potato soup I made a while back that SGT T and I loved so much, but apparently I suck and couldn't replicate the awesomeness of last time. SGT T even said to me: "I didn't like it". Meh, whatever; I can easily find a way to twist it around so that the reason it didn't turn out is his fault instead of mine, so no big deal. The cookies though, I'm a great cookie maker if I do say so myself, were fantastic.

I guess that's all for now. The other kitchen adventures I'm planning include peanut butter fudge, coffee cake, and possibly toffee. I can't wait!

It's like a radio contest where you guess the theme and I give you a really lame gift certificate to the local hardware store

When I started that last post, you know the one where I rambled on and on about the only exciting things going on here (i.e. MOVING and deployment), I hadn't actually planned on writing anything. I've been bored today and so I was going through my pictures looking for some interesting ones to share, and I found some and opened a new post to start sharing when my fingers just got away from me and you got stuck with that long-winded explanation of my week. Sorry about that.

This picture was taken last summer at Raven Rock State Park. This hike was the most disgusting hike I've ever experienced. Even though it was late summer, supposedly cooler temperatures, it was still so humid that by the time we got back from the (mostly flat terrain) hike, I was sporting butt sweat soaked through that ended up being more like entire body sweat where the only dry spot on my clothing was where my shirt was folded over itself. I think I may have mentioned my sweating issues before, it is not pretty. Never fear, the picture below is not me all red-faced and dripping with sweat.

This picture was taken at the Cape Fear Botanical Garden. On yet another humid day with the added bonus of a sweaty thunder and lightening rain storm. SGT T and I did get to see our first cotton plant though, which was really pretty in bloom (not pictured, just a neat little aside, to me at least).

This last picture is from Smith Lake, here on post. We went out to explore last summer, maybe hoping for a nice cool place to dip in the water. There was no dipping, by us at least, but it was pretty nice. We got there right as the swimming area was opening up, so there were hardly any people out. Then we went for a "hike" and I got ridiculously sweaty, again.

Put a sock in it, puhleeeaaase.

I. AM. SO. BORED. Earlier this week was all hectic and phone calls and reservations and cancellations and re-schedulings and to do lists for the next three weeks. Those To Do lists are still there because of the cancellations and re-schedulings where it turns out I can't make things happen RIGHT NOW just because I want them to. No matter how much crying I do. So now I've got some "down time" while I wait for move day to get a little closer.

Turns out Mom is going to come out and help me with the packing and movers and cats. The final decision is to fly across the country and leave the car in storage. This will be my first experience flying with animals. I'm really excited. Really. I've decided to take them as carry-on instead of checked luggage because of the $75 difference in fees. Per cat. Bankrupt airlines, my ass. Baggage fees, "extra legroom" fees, meal fees, pet fees; bend over fees is more like it.

So, mom is coming out at the end of the month, she'll help me clean the house which I apparently need because I rarely do cleaning here. Only when I start hearing hints from SGT T about something, you know, like, "Wow, when did we get a furry garbage can?". Chances are, knowing that mom is on her way out here will motivate me to clean before she arrives. Then we'll deal with the cats and hope they don't create any scenes on the plane. It could be embarrassing.

The good news is that we decided to hire a company to do all the packing and moving for us. Since SGT T will be gone before any packing is done I figured the best way to be sure nothing winds up broken, by my fault, would be to hire somebody. I found a company that does all the packing, moving, and has their own storage facility and feel pretty OK about the amount of money we will be giving them over the course of the next year or so. For the most part. You might call me lazy but it is more a matter of time and ease and insurance. I mean, if I'm going to have to hire somebody to load up the truck anyways, and if I'm going to have to put our stuff in storage anyways, why not have them pack the boxes? They said that if we packed, we would be responsible if something broke because of packing during the move, whereas if they do it, they are. And after you figure in the cost of boxes and time, it turned out to be a better deal to have them do it. The guy that came out for the in-home estimate said they'll start around 8:30 in the morning and be done by 1 in the afternoon at the latest. I can guarantee you that if I were doing the packing, even with Mom's help, it would take all day.

So, SGT T is leaving soon. I'm sad. Today we had to go to a FRG meeting which turned out to be incredibly lame and pointless, but for some reason when we sit there during these meetings and the Captain is talking about the deployment I get all weepy and blurry eyed and have to think about other topics lest I publicly embarrass myself. Maybe it is more real to hear him say it, because I don't usually get that emotional about it when we talk about it at home. Sometimes, but not always.

I just realized that I've written a lot about nothing and in a not very coherent way, so we'll just stop now. M'kay?

Dip it

Something I've come to realize, and welcome with open arms, about myself is that I'm a condiments kinda gal. A favorite restaurant, favorite meal, more often than not is chosen because of the dipping sauce or salad dressing or hot sauce offered. Some examples: ranging from the ridiculously obvious (I like french fries so I can have ketchup and ranch) to the fattening but irresistible (Texas eggrolls from Roadhouse so I can have some of that yummy spicy jelly) to the addictive (burritos from Andale's so I can drown in their hot sauce). Basically, the more crap I can dip, dunk, or drown my meal in, the better.

Tonight I made fried chicken just so I could have mashed potatoes and gravy. After the whole frying process I was pretty disgusted with the bird but man oh boy the gravy and potatoes were fantastic! Instead of using the frozen broccoli that is in the freezer, I was lucky enough to have some fresh zucchini and squash in the fridge that I had bought for some pasta which I ended up making differently. Usually I saute these guys up in some butter and garlic and throw them in some pasta, and I've also made rosemary zucchini before where you wrap up the zucchini in foil with some oil and rosemary (duh) and throw it in the oven for a bit, but I was kind of at a loss tonight as to how to prepare them. And just then, as I stood paralyzed with indecision in the middle of the kitchen, Freckles called and saved the day.

I told her that if her help panned out that I would give her a special mention here, and so, Freckles, consider yourself specially mentioned.

Even though I overcooked it and they turned out soggy, and even though I told her that I would blame her if that happened and not give her any special mention, I'm still doing so. That is just the kind of friend I am. So, other than the extreme sogginess, the whole "slice the squash throw it in a pan with some butter and cover with breadcrumbs and Parmesan" idea was tasty and successful and I thank her by pointing out, once again, that I'm giving her special mention here. On my blog. Which means she are totally going to be famous because I'm like the most popular blogger out there. No, really, I am. I just like to keep it real by writing really boring stories about making dinner and how small my bladder is. You know how it is.

Food porn

SGT T went back to work today after two weeks off. At the beginning of it, two weeks seems like such a long time and how great and wonderful, but by the end you wonder where the time went and how you managed to not get anything accomplished. Like thousands of others, he joined the ranks of post-holiday-back-to-work blues sufferers. Boy, that back to work stuff sure is a drag.

Doesn't help that in going back to work, it means that the deployment is steadily approaching. It weighs heavy, people. There is so much to do and you are constantly running through lists in your head and wishing you had a pen with you so you could jot down what you just thought of because you know that in 18 seconds it will be long gone but you really really need to remember to do it. And all the decisions that need to be made, options to be weighed, bank accounts to be considered.

Like, what am I supposed to do with all the butter in my freezer?

I suppose I'll have to do a lot of baking over the next few days in an attempt to use up a lot of my perishables, and have SGT T take them in to work. Yay! That means more food posts with pictures! Which reminds me that I haven't posted the cake I made for Christmas Eve dinner. I don't have the recipe here, and am not sure where it came from originally, but my mom got it from my godmother when they were friends. This cake features throughout my childhood and only with fondest of memories. I embellished the top a bit, I don't remember ever having it with frosting beyond the chocolate. But here, take a look, Triple Chocolate Cake:

Only after the cake was made did I see how x-rated the white chocolate looks in places. I tried. My first attempts at making pretty food are just that: first attempts. Besides, if the real thing tasted like white chocolate don't you think the porn industry would be a happier place?

Also, I made Mexican Hot Chocolate Truffles posted by Rianne at Art of Dessert. Man oh man were these good. Mine aren't nearly as pretty as hers, but who is surprised, right? Not I. I made these and they were awesome and I gave them to people for Christmas and then I went and forgot to bring some home with me and so they are sitting in the freezer at my parents house. Go figure.

The positive thing there is that in about a month I'll be there and my chocolate craving will accompany me in full force.

Passing my lessons on to you

I'm not sure if any men read this blog. In fact, given the fact that maybe four people read it and that I know who those four people are, I'm going to go ahead and assume that no men read this. With that in mind, ladies, I implore of you to spread this message to the men in your life if they are in need.

I'd like us to all take a moment and consider the necessity of men to wear underwear with sweats. Not just to make you feel all snug and secure, no, you need to wear the underwear for more altruistic reasons. When you wear jeans and slacks, things are pretty much nestled in place for the duration, am I right? However, throw on a pair of comfy, flexible, elastic, stretchy sweats, pajama pants, etc, and things tend to bounce around. The scene from Juno where Paulie and the rest of the track team are shown running in slow motion comes to mind. Shiver. There is almost nothing worse than seeing the shape of a strangers penis flopping around in their pants, without first asking to see said floppage.

Yesterday I went to the craft store to find some "teach yourself how to crochet" stuff. The craft store is a pretty innocent place, you don't go there with the sense of danger that might accompany you to, say, that shopping center in Spring Lake, NC where there are guys that stand on the sidewalk waiting for you to drive by so they can stop you and harass you in your car. But yesterday I practically ran from the craft store because of a creepy sweat pants wearer. No, I didn't run just because of the sweats, because I realize that I am not exactly fashion-faux-pas-free. I ran because it was the closest I've ever come to feeling molested. Seriously.

I went to the knit/crochet section of the store and was looking at the How To books when this man with inappropriate underwear usage appeared in the same aisle as me. I immediately noticed the free-floating bulge that bounced as he stood there, and cringed as I turned back to the books. He made his way down the aisle to where I stood so I meandered down to look at hooks and needles at the other end of the aisle. There was, what looked like, some male scratching and grabbing going on, but it didn't seem to be overly done and I imagine with things getting flung every which way, you might get the occasional scratch that must be dealt with immediately, so I thought nothing (much) of it. Until he suddenly joined me back at the books and more than subtly scratched; it was more along the lines of "this is what I do in my lounge chair when I watch Vanna turn the letter tiles". I immediately went to a different aisle, looking back I'm not sure why I was so persistent in wanting to find a book or something. He showed up moments later and I fled. I got to my car, locked the doors, and sat there for a minute to see if he was coming out of the store (have I mentioned that I don't have a job and therefore read a lot of fiction and therefore was imagining scenes of car chases and losing him with my stealthy driving tricks and if that didn't work driving until I saw a cop), he wasn't so I left. Luckily, I found another craft store down the street and was able to finish perusing the books and yarn without any problems requiring either the fashion- or the Fayetteville police.

Lessons learned:
-The craft store is not as innocent a place as it is made out to be
-I'm fully prepared to drive like Jason Bourne if the situation calls for it
-Crocheting is a dangerous hobby